Delinquent. - "Dead long post"

The more I watch Gokusen... The more I get the feeling of... emptiness?... It feels as if I've never lived like an teenager should... I mean... I've never defied a teacher (or anyone else), I've never cut class with my friends... And I've never thought that anything else than my grades are important... (NB -hobbies etc.). You know the saying "you learn from your mistakes"... Well.. I have never made any mistakes to learn anything from... I have never had the chance to... Today my Mother said something to me that filled my head with all these complicated thoughts... She said "You're mature enough to be called an adult when you do what you need to do, and not what you think is fun to do"... Then have I been an adult for almost my whole life? Instead of doing what I think is fun, I've always done the things I've thought would be good for my future... In other words, studied. I've never really known the reason why I want to go to Japan that desperatily... But I think that I have finally started to find the cause of all these dreams and hopes.. It's simply because I wish to be able to live as a teenager for at least one year in my life.. Maybe make some mistakes? or get into a fist fight?!... My god, How deep ~.~'' Anyways who cares about this kind of shit... Hmm.. Something worth reading... Oh yeah. I watched some short "Japanese high school sports war" videos on youtube... Somehow I feel happy that I'm not a guy born in Japan... That's some rough stuff.. man... A event held by the school with "sports" competitions between the classes... It's more like a battle field where you're allowed to do anything to your opponents... "win by any means"... At least in the events called "kibasen" and "Knock over the other teams pole" (or something like that). Seriously that's litterally anything... Hitting, kicking and stuff like that... just to get a damn hat or flag.. I could never hit a school-mate just to win a stupid event... Creepy... What if I'm forced to participate in the event when I'm there? o.o Somehow it gives me the shivers to think about it... Yeah...
By the way, tomorrow I won't be going to school, because of a swimming competition where I, Chan-chan and Lisa-chan (though we're not the only ones) will work as timekeepers and prize-deliverers. In salary we'll get a free lunch at a chinese restaurant downtown. Honestly... I wouldn't have agreed to this othervise, but I see it as a good chance to raise my P.E grades^.^'' wow... my life really circulates around my grades... Or maybe I should say... School and education is my life... without those two I wouldn't have anything... Not even friends (I've met everyone at school)... ehehehee... this sucks.. Oh.. I forgot to tell you. I made a new piercing on my left ear on Friday... Otherwise it would've looked too weird... Now I'll just have to get an piercing done in the upper part of my right ear, then I'll be satisfied. Now I'll continue watching Gokusen.. Jaaaa-ne'