I was dreaming of a white christmas... That was left to be a mere dream though.

Fever, Ophthalmia, soar throat and headache. Merry christmas to you too^^ no, seriously. Even though I've been sick for months now I have to admit that this christmas has been the best so far. To spend this much time with my sweetheart is something a religious person would call a "bliss". Can't remember the last time that I've felt this pleased with my life. Nor can I remember the last time that I've felt this annoying towards someone else... Poor honey, I'm very convinced that he'll want to break up with me after these three weeks are over xD at least I would if I were in his seat. After the christmas holidays are over I'll be heading straight off to work. Remember the daycare where I was doing my APL? Well, that's where I'll be spending three days a week instead of normal school :) hopefully it'll work out better than school's done so far. Now I'm off to the kitchen! Coffee time~ <3

Stressful >.>

This headache it won't go away!!! It feels as if my head would crack at any moment now >.< I've been having this ache for weeks now... Wonder why... Could it be the stress that's getting to me? Or is it all the drama around me which honestly is making me want to bang my head into the wall until unconsciousness -.-
Otherwise too, my week so far has been shit =.= Oh... and now it's already this late! GOD! GIVE ME A BREAK!! I won't get enough sleep tonight either... great...
Well, I'm off to bed now. Goodnight~

Slightly Morbid, or?

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused~
Wonder which one I would be? The abused or the abuser?
It's kind of funny, when listening to Marilyn Manson my train of thoughts becomes very odd in a weird way. It feels as if the lurking sick side of me creeps up. Like, just a moment ago I got the idea of watching Human centipede II just for the laughs. Normal people don't laugh to those kind of movies, or do they? How should I know :P The people around me are normal.. for me... The people who are alike me...
When thinking of it, "sick" is an expression I often get to hear from friends and random people.. Though, according to me "sick" is a slight exaggeration. It's a very strong word... I'd actually prefer "morbid" in that case. Well, people calling me sick aren't that much off track either, to be honest :P Now it's movie time!! Bye~

You make my life bright, shine up my days with incomparable light.

When I think of you, I can't help but to smile.
Your face so clear in my mind.
Being apart doesn't matter as long as it's just for a while.
Because I know that there's only one of your kind.
That smile so sweet, makes even sugar feel sour.
Those eyes that shimmer, like the ocean they make you drown.
All this makes me love you more and more for every passing hour.
Your hair so smooth and brown.
You hate, but I love to run my fingers through.
To be able to have you close by, to feel your presence.
Even if these moments are few.
They are all small pieces of heaven, like rare small crescents.
Handed out to the lucky ones as presents.
For me there's only You.
You make my life bright, shine up my days with incomparable light<3

School~

I've been sitting at the cafe since half past eight this morning, doing research on criminal gangs in Sweden... But some why I can't bring myself to carry on the studies anymore. I feel so bored and tired! Maybe I should drag myself to school or something? Though, my class doesn't begin for another two hours... What should I do!!??? I would go Christmas shopping if the computer hadn't weighted a ton... I dunno... I'm even too lazy to write anything here!... I'm off-.- Bye~

Hero of a sad story

A hero of war, is that what they see? Just medals and scars, so damn proud of me. I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust... When I look back at my time in Japan this is pretty much what it feels like. A highly prestigious teenager whom everyone's so damn proud of.. Scars for life and a language certificate - is everything I got... When thinking back, was the trip really that necessary? Or did it make me into whom I am today? If I had not went there would my life be any better? Or would it be worse? Would I even be alive today? All I know is that this would've been my last year of school... Such a wonderful thought... No more school! Well, hopefully I'll be accepted for the apprenticeship program, so that I can work instead of attending school.
My thoughts are such a mess!! I can't make any sense out of them at all! Maybe I should go to bed and ponder about everything? Though if so, I'll have to wait for quite a while... Once again the apartment is crowded with guys, everyone occupying the bed -.- I think I'll scrap that idea :P
Bye~

Drama...

Lately my whole life's been surrounded by endless (unnecessary) drama. It's like sweetheart expressed it "an OC drama"... People hurting each other, themselves, and everyone around them. For no good reasons at all... Is it too much to demand when asking for a quiet life? A normal life? It's so incredibly tiring when nobody can control their feelings, nor keep their thoughts for themselves...
Luckily I've got my drama-free zone called 'honey'<3 with this wonderful being I can breathe freely and take a break from all the pointless fighting around me, I can feel free... With him there's just We. A bearable, even enjoyable, life<3 I love him so<3 bye~

Wieeee!!

What a beautiful day :D Seriously the weather's been nice, sunny, with a clear sky and slightly chilly breezes. AND! I woke up with sweetheart at my side. His slightly drowsy eyes looking at me while fumbling after his shirt, so cute <3
Yesterday I was invited to have dinner and sleep over at his parent's place, so I had the chance to meet his entire family while enjoying the most delicious three-course meal ever (cooked by the father^^). Such a lovely bunch of people<3 I had a really nice time there! Unfortunately, grown-ups have jobs and students don't, so I had to part from my hard working boyfriend after two hours or so<3
After doing this I've been hyper-actively flying all over the place. Unable to sit still or stop talking. Feel a bit sorry for my little roomie though, she's been forced to stand this for hours now! hihi... Who knows, maybe I'll meet my honey tomorrow again<3 :D
That was about everything I had to say for this time now resume watching Dreamer! Bye~

An obscure feeling of sorrow...

An unfamiliar feeling of obscure sorrow is lurking at the back of my mind... But why? All day long I've been happy, almost too happy. And now suddenly everything just took a rapid turn. I honestly feel like crying... Though, with no reasons at all? What's this supposed to be?.. ugh... so frustrating >.<
In the morning me and my roomie went to the hospital (just for a normal check up), after that was dinner at the local upper secondary school, Christmas shopping (a little bit early out, I know but still) and suddenly my mood just sank. I've tried to, but can't figure out the reason for this!! It's driving me mad!!
Well, whatever, can't do anything about it so :P I've been longing to see this movie called "Trust", according to my sweetheart it's an emotional story worth watching, and I guess that a rush of emotions wouldn't do me bad in my current state... We'll see if I can convince my little roomie to watch it together with me :)
Now I'll occupy my thoughts with a trailer from this movie! Bye~

Life at its best :)

It should be illegal to be as happy as I'm at the moment! The feeling is so overwhelming... Unable to stop smiling all the time, yet unable to stop worrying all the time. So confusing but still so wonderful! I don't know what to do with these abundant feelings >.< any good ideas? ^^"
Yesterday was one of the most perfect days of my life. I finally got to meet my swetheart again<3 A cozy evening with take out food, a good movie and my wonderful boyfriend :D What more can you ask for?
This evening though, will be spent in the company of my sweet roomie and a good friend :) watching movies (including "My sister's keeper") and just generally hanging out^^
Anyways, I'm off to the kitchen now! Maybe I'll grab a bite or something~ Bye<3

A Brand New (Bright) Life

Well, the title pretty much reveals what's been happening in my life during the past few weeks - too much to write about at least. Short draft: I've met the my saviour, my beloved new roommate<3 She's honestly propably the only reason why I'm still alive. After finally breaking free from the destructive relationship in which I'd been trapped in for a year, I didn't know where to go, what to do whith myself, or even how to survive the day... Then she came. Gave me a home. Hooked me up with the most wonderful young man that I've ever met, and gave my everyday life a purpose again<3
I've been living my life under the supposition of knowing what the word "love" stands for... But honestly, I've been wrong all the time. Love isn't a hopeless, painful struggle in between two parts. Love isn't something that's supposed to hurt or make you cry for no reasons at all... It's something enjoyable. When you shine up just by the thought of your beloved one, when you can't stand being apart from them, and after saying "good bye" begin longing for the next time you'll be in his arms... This is what he taught me<3
The coming week school will start again. I'm not looking forvards to this... Even though I've had a "break" for six wonderful weeks (turkey, 4 weeks at a kindergarten and the spring vacation <- which is now) it doesn't feel enough. If it was a choice for me to make, I'd still be working at the daycare instead of rottening on a schoolbench. It's such a rewarding job. To see the children grow, how they bond with you, and the best part; when they count you as a part of their day - expect you to be there when they arrive in the morning. I miss this...
But! Now I'm off to the basement level to fetch the laundry! Bye~ <3

Mani mania~*-:*

Good morning sweethearts<3
What's up? :) As usual it's been a while since the last post, though this time I've been seriously busy managing things, coping with the new lifestyle and constantly arguing with my lovely boyfriend. No seriously, I love him. Guess that's the only reason I'm still hanging around... Well, my new class consists of nothing knowing kids (people born -95), who're still too naive for their own good. And my weeks include six classes in pedagogy and one in PE. So no hard work here. It's the personal life which has demanded most of my free hours. Searching for a new apartment and trying to balance the relationship and friends - Not an easy job, especially not when you don't share the same friends together, so I tend to end up staying home with him instead... Not good, no... Well, In a week I'll be enjoying the warmth of Turkey! This is something I'm seriously looking forvards to! Just me, Mum and lil'Sis hundreds of miles from the cold breezes of Sweden's bold landscape. Just the thought makes me jump with anticipation :)
Yesterday I was at the hair-dresser, so now my hair is about ten centimeters shorter and looks more alive with some pink highlights. I can admit being very pleased with the result.
Later on today I'll be going back home to Boden and who knows, maybe pay my boyfriend a visit (but just maybe), but I don't know... I don't feel like being walked all over this evening... Maybe tomorrow instead :) BUT!! Now I'll be busy doing my sister's nails. She wants a beach theme so some gold, dark and lightblue should do it. Bye~

Lousy day?

wake up 5AM, paintiiing~ for four hours~ and then a nap^^ I'm at my parent's place, working (why would I othervise be here? xD). My mission: paint the house. Pay: fair enough ;) I enjoy painting a lot^^ The nap, though, wasn't as enjoyable... I had a hideous nightmare (aaaas usually :P). This one was one of the worst I've ever had... My mother told me she was dying and that me and my sister were going to be sent away and separated >.< Now why wouldn't we just live with dad? well, he's already dead in my dreams... I woke up crying, in the dream I was at my father's funeral... They both seemed so real :'( too real... I hate sleeping, maybe I should stop doing it :P
When I woke up I painted my sister's fingernails, they turned out to be good :) (She liked them too xD). After doing this I consumed a full coffee pot :'D That's pretty much all I've consumed today^^" And a few green apples *yummy* :D I've also driven the car for the first time in my entire life! :D It went really well! I will get a driving license! And on this one I'm very determined >3< To the autumn I'll begin on the BF policy, and become a nanny or something ;) I dunno :P Well, apart from this all, my life's been pretty happeningless^^ Oh yeah, then mum came home and ruined my day :P (the same routine as usually). Now I'm off to take a shower (have been running so I'm sweaty *yack*). Bye~ -My

April~Avril~Huhtikuu~

Wahaha!! xD OMG! I just read through my last post (only briefly though). I would never have been able to imagine it possible for my life to change this much during only three months (without moving to another country :P) :O
Well, then, I guess it's time for an update... Hmm... Firs off we could begin with my happy-go-lucky life... Which isn't that H-go-L anymore ^^" A month after our engagement, my boyfriend confessed to have slept with another chick two nights before... This was on our "anniversary" for a month of engagement. Well, what can I say.. Some people get cold feet and fuck things up... and end up hurting the other one... So, I've been kind of struggling with that matter, it really brought me down :(
BUT! I'm over it now ^^ Also! :) I've moved to a new place a bit outside of the actual town a week ago :D It's approximately 5km from school, to where I make my way by bicykle every morning :3 And I can afford it without any help from the parents (aka. own incomes). Independence... Honestly, it's one of the greatest feelings :) Hmm... There's too much, I can't even remember everything >.> Eeh... I've made a lot of new friends... I've scored full points on a history test! (believe me, if it would be graded by the knowledge of happenings, it'd be easy... When it comes to interpretations and differing, it's a complete new story :P). Homework, homework, and some more homework... nah.. I'm too tired, thus I shall continue another evening ;) Good Night Sweethearts~ XoooXooo My <3

OMG o.O I just lost one more year of of my lifespan!!

Well, that was it for the "could never imagine myself married" statement. You'll never, ever be able to even imagine what happened!! Me, Sam and a friend of ours, spent the New Year's Eve at Jonna and Jense's house (in a nearby town). We enjoyed ourselves by drinking and playing video games in the evening. When the time slowly got closer to midnight, we went outside to lance some minor fireworks (which ended up with the slightly *cough* drunk friend, firing one at Sam--> accidentally though). After the clock'd stroke twelve, and the fireworks were all launched, Sam got down on one knee and asked me if I wanted to get engaged to him!!! <3 I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything other than just hug him with all the guts I had, and nod almost frantically :D So! Now I'm an engaged "woman" :3 Couldn't see that coming a year ago, couldn't you!? ^^ At least I couldn't :P After pondering about it, I've came to the conclusion that there probably isn't anything I couldn't imagine myself doing with Sam... Other than getting kids, at this stage.. God! I feel like the luckiest person on the entire planet at this moment!! x3 Sorry, just can't get over it ^^" Also, I'm sort of moving into his place tomorrow~ Not entirely though, but like, bring some of my clothes and belongings to his home... Toothbrush, personal hygiene stuff and things like that. So that I won't have to stop by at the apartment as frequently anymore. AAH!! This awfully wide grin just won't get off my face! x3
So, now I'm gathering together a bag of belongings and picking out some small stuff to bring there tomorrow :) and... Maybe with some patience and time... Someday, I will be the one to walk down the aisle in a white dress into his arms... *haaa* what a wonderful thought, indeed ^^
2010 was a year that just flew by... Honestly, now looking back I don't remember much of it... It feels as if it was years and years ago that I returned from Japan, even though that was a mere six months ago... It is difficult to believe that ones life can possibly change this fast :O I mean; Jonna and Jens decided to get married, so did Hen-chan and his girlfriend too, I came here and fell in love.. And most strange of all, I managed to establish a new life in the mere time of four months... which is six months less than it required in Japan... Somehow amazing when you think of it.. Though, I can't say that it was easy, no, vice versa, it was really difficult.. But I managed with the help of all the wonderful people who volunteered to take care, and teach me the ways of coping with life in this new town <3 I really am thankful for it^^
Now, I think I'll go and take a shower, and after that who knows, maybe I'll even be tired enough to fall asleep in the empty, (and most of all) cold bed of mine ^^
Bye~ and! Happy New Year for everybody! <3 :3