Akemashite omedetou gozaimasu.

Happy New Year! Today's the long awaited last day of the year. Arienaihodo... When I look back now, it's almost unbelievable. The year's passed so fast that I really don't have any memoirs of it... Weird.. There's a horrible weather outside right now. The wind is blowing and it's freezing cold. It's too dangerous to shoot fireworks in this kind of weather. What a lame New Years Eve... As I've told you before, I'm gounna sleep over at a friends place. I hope that everyone will make it there, because every single bus that runs alongsides the coast is disconnected. The wind is too strong... This is acctually the first New Years Eve that I'll be spending with my friends... I hope It'll be fun. Last night was exactly as the ones before. I wasn't able to sleep before a little past 7.am... But one thing was different. I slept more than three hours. I woke up when my cousine called me (1.pm), she was like *You sound tired... Tell me that I didn't just wake you up... -.-* "Ehehee... Yeah" was the only answer I could come up with...
By the way. I notised that the time the computer sets on the posts are wrong. The computers clock is set in summer time, but now it's winter so the time really is a hour earlier... Ehmm.. I hope you understand what I mean... emm right now the time is 16:20, not 15:20...
The drama serie has come to the point where everyone is afraid of the head bully, and her friends is starting to transfer schools... Yeah.. I'll explain later! Now I've gotta' go and pack my stuff for the evening! Saioynara!

Real "Life".

Yet another sleepless night. This is the sixth one in a row, I haven't been able to sleep before 6:am on the earlier five, so I guess it's going to be like this tonight too. My voice has returned and I'm fully recovered from my flue. Due to the boring atmosphere, I've begun to watch a new Japanese drama Tv serie. This time it's a drama called "Life". It's horrible what a person can do to another, specially the girls. Instead of using violence, they use much more hurtful methods, like excluding and words... Words are one of the most horrible ways to be harrashed with... This is a matter that boys often doesn't understand, how it can be so frightening to be called a slut or have weird rumours about you spread around in the society you live in. I know this because I've once been through it all... Though it wasn't as bad as in "Life". Bullys really disgust me. Well tonight I'll keep this short, because I want to see what happenes with Ayumu, now that the head bully is trying to feed her with needles. I hope the teacher will arrive there in time... Good night!

0:00

Now when I begin to write this post, the time is exactly 0:00. To write a post in most cases takes only a few minutes, but now I'm watching Ganchi Baka so it'll propably take a bit longer tonight. Ganchi Baka is an Japanese drama Tv serie, that is about a ex-pro boxer that ends up as an homeroom-teacher for a class no one wants to teach in. The group of seventeen/eighteen years old children, has been marked as a problem section, since far back in the past. Somehow when I watch it, I can't help but to recognize our class through them. Misjudged children with lack of motivation and problems in their personal lifes, with no one to help them out... With no one who really cares about the real reasons behind their acts... Our class has been marked as a problem class since three years back in time, even though no one want to admit it, it's true. You can see it in the teachers eyes when they try talking to everybody, the tiredness and hope of reaching the end of the class. It all makes me feel kind of annoyed. To be seen as a duty for a person who doesn't even try, makes me feel pissed. The teachers have known about the problems for a pretty long time now, but no one has bothered to take the time to try help us out... Or... There was a teacher we had in society knowledge, he's the only one that've really cared about us... He was also the only one that all the students respected and liked with all their might... He quit last summer... Now he's working at the mentaly retarded childrens school. He must be happy now that he doesn't have to care about us anymore...
By the way, I forgot to tell you the content of the weird, heavy parcel (thanks´ for reminding me Lisa-chan)... It was a pair of mini hand weights -.-'' talk about dissapointment... Well now I'm off to fantasize about my fictional world with hot Japanese classmates ^-^ Adios!

What's life really all about?

Now I've done it, I've lost my voice, It's completly gone. Because of this I haven't done really anything other than watched Japanese dramas on the computer for the whole day. That's generally the thing I've been doing ever since Christmas Eve. Forgive me, I haven't had any will to write.
The presents I got was nice, mostly books and clothes... and a thing called "stress ball"... It's funny, you can squeeze and throw it as much as you like and it won't even break anything because it's filled with something soft jelly like stuff.
I haven't slept in nearly four days now... okay, I've slept but not more than three hours each morning... I've had these horrible coughing problems and also some trouble with breathing too... Wonder if there's something wrong with me...? *yawn, who cares.
Right now I'm watching a movie named "Moon Child", and can you guess who the persones acting the two main characters are?... Gackt and Hyde! *drools. They're so cool ^-^
Because I've been awake for a fairly long time, I've had time to think over many things, for example, What's the real reason behind our lifes? Why do we even exist? Is it because we're supposed to do something for the universum? Or is it just a coincidence that the bacteriums we evolved from ended up on the planet Tellus? Who knows...? How bothersome thoughts... My god.. I get a headache from trying to figure out the answer for so deep questions. ^~^''
... As I sit here in the living room, I can't help but to feel a bit lonely... Will I ever find a person who'll embrace me with his arms and make me feel loved?... *Bleah... love is just a big joke. The most dangerous drug in the whole world. I shouldn't think about that kind of unnessecary stuff... But still... I wonder how it feels to truly be loved by someone?... Well it's getting kinda' late... I'll go and get a shower... After that I'll propably continue watching Japanese love storys... Matane!

Merry Christmas!

First of all, I'd like to ask you not to pay any attention to last nights post... It's kind of... excactly as I wrote then... Pathetic. Lisa-chan's propably right (read the comment), I'm very bad at wearing my glasses (they're so dull), that's propably the reason to my headache... Who cares. This moning has been boring. I woke up around 11.am when my lil'sis' came and walked all over my hand (I fell asleep on the couch), she's heavy so it hurt. After I got up, I walked to the kitchen and ate a sandwich. Then after that I've been reading and watching tv.
Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, wich means that I'll finally find out what that damn weird parcel contain! I don't really care about anything else... Earlier I was thinking about staying home alone with my guinea pig, Davin. But I figured out that grandmother would've been angry at me if I did that. So I'll accompany the rest of the family to my grandparents place tomorrow (we always spend the Christmas Eve there, in Finland). This is the main reason why I've never seen the so famous Christmas "Kalle Anka" (Donald Duck) episode... It's a tradition in almost every Swedish family, to sit down and watch the programme every Christmas Eve... Wonder if it's good?
I was thinking about putting a lot of effort in the Japanese studies now when I have so much spare time... Then I might have a slight chanse to be accepted to the exchange study programme... I'll go and read now! C~Ya! By the way, I'm not so sure that I can write anything tomorrow, because my grandparents doesn't have an internet... I hope unkle will bring his laptop... Merry Christmas!!

Tick, tock...

I can't sleep! It's horrible! all I can hear is the kitchen clock going on like "tick, tock, tick, tock..".
I seriously think I'm going crazy!... Nah.. not really... (meant as a joke)
That wasn't even fun.. -.-'' The reason why I can't sleep is this headache. It doesn't go away. I've pumped myself full of pain killers in the hope for a short moment of sleep. But the pills just doesn't have any effect. Man.. How troublesome... I bet I'll look like an zombie tomorrow ~.~ Not good at all. I guess I'll just have to put up with the suffering and try come up with something to do while I can't sleep... Maybe I'll read some books...

Dude... Now when I'm gazing through this post... It's really pathetic... Clearly work of an half dead person... x.x

Pain.

I've had a horrible headache for the last two days, what's even worse, the painkillers doesn't work. So I've been kind of dozing off every other minute.. so sternuous.
Because I've been feeling so bored and useless after the school ended, I decided to visit the two librarys on each side of the border (Sweden and Finland), to get some studying material for my leisure time. I foun some very interesting books about psychology and the Japanese language. This should keep me busy for a longer period of time^-^
My headache is getting worse, so I'll go and lie down for a minute. By the way, thank you for the comments. It's always pleasant to read your thoughts concerning my blog.
Well I'll go now, Goodbye.

Mini-Christmas

Good evening.
Tonight we have a thing called "mini-Christmas" at our place. It's a tradition in our family, to arrange a dining "party" where all our relatives from dads family (sisters, brothers and grandparents) come over to eat, open Christmas presents and spend time with each other. Usually this evening would be spent the 23:th, but due to moms' work we had to arrange it tonight. Well, it doesn't really matter. Anyways, right now my big brother's sitting next to me, here in my room, playing on the small keyboard, desperately trying to learn a new song called "Suteki da ne"... Using me as an teacher... To be honest, he picks up this kind of stuff pretty fast, so it's fun to teach him^-^ I've got to force him study some notes, so that he wouldn't need me so much...
When I woke up, I had this strange empty feeling, I had nothing to do and nothing to look forvards to. That's when I realized that lately my whole life has been circulating around school. When I told mum' about these things, she just laughed and told me that it's always been like that in my life. That nothing else than school excists in my world... When I think of it, thats quite true... ehehee ^-^'' Now I've got to go and greet our guests. Byebye.

Gaaah!

Somebody help me! I'm trying to write a post while chatting with five people at the same time on Msn -.-'' We're planning how to spend the New Years Eve... Apparently we're going to sleep over at a guys place who I've met like two times... ^-^'' But he seems like a decent guy... OMG... I wrote exactly the same thing about my childhood friend, who, believe me, is a totally fucked up person. I really feel like killing him right now... He is such a jerk! Screwing around with several girls at the same time. He'd better be happy that this was the last day of school, othervise I would've forced a pen up his rectum. Well.. I'm not mad, even if this text might give you the image... I'm just a bit unhappy... You know... He used to be such a nice guy who'd smile and laugh every day... A great pal who'd always take care of his friends... that's what he was... I guess people really change... How sad...
The grades I got today... I feel like commiting suicide (not a joke)... I guess all my hard work didn't pay off in the end... What a great dissapointment... Now just to lighten up my heart, I'll list up the people I feel like scolding: The- P.E-teachers. Technique- teacher (she's also the teacher in NO i.e.- biology, physics & chemistry), so it's like taking two birds at one shot. And the Handicraft-hag. The other teachers are nice, specially the English/Swedish teacher, she's the easiest person to get along with. Ehmm... Maybe not everyone is so nice... the SO (history, geograph etc.) teacher is kind of stupid... Not "evil" stupid... Just generally... stupid... immature... like a five years old... *cough*
Yeah...
Well... I've started looking forvards to Christmas Eve. Just because there is a damn parcel that I can't figure out the content of, I'm dying of curiosity...
...I don't feel like writing anymore...
Farwell my beloved mates.

White Christmas.

Sad... So sad... I haven't got any comments in almost over two weeks now :/ Well it doesn't really matter as long as someone acctually reads this worthless stuff I write down here ^-^''
Right now I'm listening to Gackt, a song of his named 'Cube'. I really love the way he sings, all the emotions he's able to transmit through the music. It's just so wonderful.
Outside there's a winter storm, it's jet black, the wind blows very hard and the snow whirls´all around, it's really an awful wheather.
We'll get our grades from school on Friday, I'm feeling somewhat nervous about it... Because this is the grades we'll apply to schools with... And I've worked so damn hard...
Gosh... I've got to think of something else!.. Eettooo...
Yesterday mum' struck again ^^'' This time she told me that I'm emotionally disturbed, because I never cry or feel regret... That's not quite true, well I haven't cried in ages... I just don't think that it's necessary, but I can assure you of that I've felt regret over loads of stuff I've done. Anyways that's what she told me. Wonder if she'll ever stop nagging about unnecessary stuff...?
Seven days (*creepy voice*)... 'til Christmas Eve... -.- how bothersome... I don't feel like meeting the "santa", it'd be so much better if he'd just hand out the parcels and get lost, instead of talking for a decennium. But I've got to admit that it always is fun to see what kind of bum clothes he's wearing every time. Last year he had an blue boiler-suit and a broom. He looked more like a Halloween witch than a Santa ^~^ fufufuuu...
Tonight I've got karate practise so I'll be off soon. I hope I won't die in the snow storm! It'd be so much easier to live in the acctual town, no early morning wake ups´and no busses... haaa... How nice... Well C-ya!

Just stuff...

I remembered this one time when a person said a horrible thing to me that changed my whole attitude against life... She said " Just for a moment, why can't you be normal". The person was my mum'. Even though this was a very long time ago at a occasion when she was over tired and easily annoyed... It hurt me... To know that she really thought that way, but didn't want to admit it... It felt bad... From that moment on I've always felt a bit like an outsider... I mean... Her words got me to think in a way that isolates a part of me from the outside world... Sounds stupid, doesn't it.. eheh.. ^^''
In my world, people like me are the "normal" ones, and people different from me are the "strangers". I think that's the main reason why I don't feel like I belong here... I'm surrounded by "strangers". Strangers that I love, strangers important to me like nothing else and strangers who ever can't be replaced by "normal" people. Still I can't help but to feel like a nobody to them. It's difficult and doesn't really make sense ^-^'' Yeah...
But in another matter, I somehow enjoy the feeling of being different. No one can say "you're just like everybody else" or "You don't have a own will". Well who cares?
The Christmas realtive date was strenuous, my "plastic" grandma' doesn't seem to get that I can't eat things with lactose in and that I'm a vegetarian -.-'' She really is an old fashioned "lady", except from one thing. My brother's got a piercing in his eyebrown, so when I told mother that I liked his new ornament (spike thing) and suggested that a adornment like that would fit my lower lip too, my "granny" said that it wouldn't look too bad... hmm... maybe she was just sucking up to me... ~.~'' Well it's getting pretty late, so I'll go to bed. Good night.

Counting the days

Only ten days to Christmas Eve...
I'm finally done with the Christmas shopping! No more presents' to buy!!
Yesterday when I was bored I went through our Christmas present bags ( the presents´that mum' and dad have bought >:3 ), in total there was about five sacks´ one filled with presents for my lil'sis' and two for my big-brother... there were three presents´for me -.-'' somehow I can't help but to feel un loved... Well life sucks... No! I'm not going to complain! I've got the tickets to An Cafés´concert! Man.. It makes me feel happy every time I think of it^-^
I've already somewhat figured out what the wraps contain ^.^'' This is what I think: Lets see.. the one I'll get from my cousine is a pair of leg/arm warmers and a woodoo-key-chain. The others: a book, manga pocket, a dvd (hopefully anime), two notes one with the money inside, some kind of mini statue, I hope it's a buddha :)... I can't remember the rest... There was one that I couldn't figure out. It was a very heavy small strangely formed plastic parcel. I'm looking forvards to openting it!... I really hope it's not a IQ-toy... They're horrible! I never manage to figure them out! And I only get annoyed by them...
Tonight we're invited to a Christmas date with some relatives at grandpa' and "plastic" grandma's place... Yeah... Well now I'm off, to prepare myself for the evening! Whish me luck! Sayounara!.. By the way.. I looked horrible as an attendant (on friday), but otherwise it was fun to sing carols for the teachers ( we didn't bother doing it to the students^v^'')... C-ya!

Traditions...

It's been five days since my last blog post... And I've got SO much to tell you!!
I GOT TICKETS´ TO An Café's CONCERT!! I'm SOO happy!! -^.^-
The concert is next year (-09) 18:th March. I'm going there with my cousine who live in the Southern part of Finland (where An Café's going to perform). Oh, god I'm so happy.
According to my friend Lisa-chan, I've been annoyingly cheery ever since I got the tickets´...
^-^'' fufufuu...
My childhod friend has grown to be a horribly perversed person... Othervise he hasn't changed much. We had a nice chat together today... Unfortunately I didn't get the chance to threaten him about not breaking Chan-chans´heart, because she was sitting right next to us... Even though our conversation was in Finnish (which she doesn't speak) , she would've understood my threat... Damn.. I missed the perfect opportunity to really preach to him about the importance of a girl´s feelings... Well... Next time I'll make sure to do it! >:3
We finally had our long awaited maths test on Monday... I think I did pretty well, maybe not as well as I'd wanted to... But I passed at least :)
On Friday we have the Lucia "party"... I'd rather call it a ceremony, because it's not as fun as a party. Ah! For those who don't know what a Lucia ceremony is, I'll try to explain.
I don't really remember why we celebrate the Lucia day (real date is 13:th December), it was something about a nice chick who got burned at the stake... Well.. ehumm... This is how we celebrate it: A procession of (originally) girls (lead by the "Lucia") dressed in white coats, silver coloured tinsel tied round the waist and head (don't get me wrong, the tinsel is like a thin tiara, lightly put on top of your hair) and a candle in their hands. The Lucia has a crown with real candles instead of the tiara and a red zone instead of a silver. They sing christmas carols and read verses (nowdays there are people who dress out to be gingerbread-woman´s, star-boys and girls, young puck´s... etc. Though this is mostly in kindergaten).
It sounds a bit stupid.. doesn't it?... Yet It's kind of nice to have a tradition like this. By the way, I'm not in the procession this year. Last year was so amusing (1-girl fainted and 1-ran from the stage due to sudden indisposition) so this year I want to witness everything from the audition... Still I'm going to sing carols outside the building with my friends, we're like a mini procession with three young puck´s, a Lucia and me, a attendant (the white thing with tinsel I was writing about earlier). I hope it'll be fun!
Well. Now I'm off to do my English home work! Farwell my dear friends.

Remembrances of childhood

I got this flash back, at a summer when I was sick and veren't allowed to go outside and play with my friends. It was so painful to watch them have fun with my brother on the yard in the warm sunshine, while I was stuck inside of the dark, cool, house... You know the saying 'Only stupid people catch a cold on summer'... Well I felt very stupid that time. Stupid that I had souch a weak body, stupid that it couldn't handle the sudden weather changes. And most of all, stupid for being me. That time I was about six or seven years old... I remembered this propably because I've caught a cold... again-.-'' Last time was about.. two weeks ago... Even though it's not summer I somehow feel dumb. My body still can't handle the sudden change of temperature. It kind of makes me sad... and angry at myself. In the end I couldn't go on the weekend camp, nor could I visit the upper secondary school with my friend... Fuck...
My mom's got this sudden cleaning hysteria, so I've got to go and help her out with things... Bye-bye.

December!

Only 22- days until Christmas Eve... What a pain -.- ... I can't help but to think that Christmas is just something very bothersome... What I mean is that, people spend hundreds of euros on unnecesseary junk that no one needs. Because it would be rude to throw anything away, the trash'll just be left at the back of some wardrobe in your house. And besides of that, I don't like the reason why we celebrate Christmas... Some crap about a guy who dies and regenerates again. :P
Before I'm going to change the subject I'll just apologize my rude way of writing about the church stuff, to you who may be offended.. What can I say... I'm not that into religious stuff. I only took the confirmation because of the need for money.. Yeah.. well.. whatever..
Right now I'm stressed out with all the school work. The maths test that has been posponed to Friday. The author portrait that'll have to be ready for Friday too. English tasks to Monday. A bunch of Swedish assignements to Tuesday... (The days may be a bit screwd up). But you get the point.
I'm going on a camp over the weekend so I'll be home on Sunday. I look forvards to it!.. Or not really... I'd prefer to stay home instead. But you gotta' do what you gotta' do. I hope that It'll be fun...
My mom got vexed at me this morning again... For no reason -.-'' It's all my sisters fault. She makes´ mum annoyed on purpose. Always going against mothers will... I don't like her a bit. This may sound a bit childish... But I just can't help it... She's the main cause of my child-hate (I can't stand kids from approximately 4 to 12 years).
Now I'm going to study a bit before I'll start reading manga on internet XP Right now I'm reading *Akuma de Sorou* it has a nice plot, the ordinary love story--> " Bad boy meets sweet girl and opens up his heart to protect her" kind of thing. I whish guys like that would really exist! Well.. Hej då!