Longing for a life.

Hello all the lonely peeps out there who haven't got anything better to do than read my (pretty boring) posts.
Sometimes life feels so incredibly lonely, don't you think? Right now it feels as if I would be the only person on this entire planet... Even though my brother and his two (lunatic) friends are here, it feels as if they're just some shadows in the background of my hazy vision... I wonder what everybody else is doing right now... Are they having fun? or do they feel like I do? I hope they're all having a great time ^-^... They're worth it... Especially you... you really deserve it more than anybody else :) 1852... That's the name of the song I'm listening to... I love it =:)
...I'm beginning to feel a bit sick... dunno' why... Maybe I've eaten too much or something : / yeahyeah I'm still happy :D Oh God... My mood swings are incredible don't you think? ^^
By the way, forget the thing about Monday, we were only having a BBQ at Cedriks place, where pretty much everybody drank (apart from me). I don't want to think about that trip anymore... It's time to move forvards in the life... Maybe make some minor changes... Or why not majour ones?? Well, we'll see...
Somewhy I miss my old life where I didn't have to care about anything (only a few minor problems).. I was so happy... Okay I was normally happy... maybe... at least I was satisfied with my own life! Now I just have to work hard so that I'll become satisfied with my situation!! :D Right!!? Keep on working and it'll pay off! Nooot XP Well I guess I have to leave for the May bonfire now... Byjaeu~

Nothing better to do.

I'm bored so I figured that I'd use my time for something good. Monday in Germany; When Janina and I woke up the sun was shining so brightly and birds were chirping! It was so wonderful... We got dressed and went downstairs to find her mother sitting beside of a compeletly laid table... It felt so nice... To sit there and eat the tasty sandwitches beside of an open terrace door... Just the thought of it makes me want to rush to the airport and get on the first plane there... After breakfast we got our bags and began our 20 minutes school bike ride.. I have to admit that I've always been incredibly lousy at biking, but I learned to do it properly thanks to Janina ^^''... We got breakfast in school too! But it wasn't as nice as back home. This was the first time that I met everybody from the German group too.. It was so much fun! After we'd eaten, we got divided into three groups which were supposed to work with the project, our group consisted of Hanne, Janina, Svenja, Emilia, Evelina and me. Our task was to look through all of the material that the different Comenius countries had came up with... Well it ended up with us watshing videos on Youtube instead XP *oh I have to go! I'll continue with the Monday later then ~Tsjuss!~

Myself inside of me?

I was just scrolling through some old posts, when I notised a comment I hadn't seen before. It was posted on the 18:th of this month... The last time I'd been on the computer before the trip was on the 17:th... So I didn't see it... Sorry about that.
Sometimes it really feels like all the hard effort you put into relationships goes to waste, but then there are times when you feel needed by someone... To me the feeling of being needed is walking alongsides with the feeling of happiness... Because if nobody needs you, then what's the point in needing them?
The picture at the top of this page is a real piece of art. It captsures every thought and every single feeling you can have. What do you think of it? To me it doesn't only represent the sadness and darkness in my life, as many people may see it. When you look closely at it you may notise many different feelings... For example, see how proudly the tree is standing there, even though it's all alone it's still there on the top of the hill and underneath a grey sky, keeping it's leafs alive. This is exactly what everyone should do when they feel lost... Just never give up... That's the most important thing.
Today has been a long day.. I've been a bit lost in my thoughts... I don't know why... But my head is just so filled with all this crap which has led to a traffic stop of my thoughts and somewhy the traffic won't seem to get moving, no matter what I try to do...
This thought suddenly hit me.. "What kinds of person´s do you hate?" please tell me... I, myself hate people who lie. No matter what they lie about, I just hate it... Why do people even lie to others... especially to the ones who trusts them? Well I dunno´ . Haa.. I'll tell you later about the trip. Now I'll just take a nap or so something.

Home coming.

Now that I've gathered some strenght to blog, I'm going to tell you how the week in Germany was and what we did there. This is what we did to get to Germany; we left the town 12 o'clock with a bus and steered the wheels towards the airport (2hrs), where we waited for the plain for about one hour. After this we began our flying strike, the first flight was to Arlanda (1hr30min) after a nice landing, it was time for us to jog to the second plane that left after 45 minutes. This one was to Dusseldorf (1hr45min)After we had arriwed to Dusseldorf we went to get our bags. But there was only one small problem, Emilia´s bag didn't come. After a few minutes of waiting, we got a message that her bag had been left on the Arlanda, and that it would arriwe the next day. Then we rushed for the first of the three trains, we barely made it. The first ride was from the airport to the trainstation (20min), when we got of one of the girls got pale and shocked she said that her handbag was lost, later we discovered that she'd left it on the first train, the bag contained; 2 cellphones, a Ipod, 2000 sek(kr), a new digital camera and her passport. After (ab. 45min) we got on the second train (2hrs) where everyone was staring at us -.- Then it was time for the third train, we ran there and just barely made it. When we dashed into the train there was two women laughing and then one of them just suddenly bursted out "which one of you is Marianne?!" Everybody was just staring at the woman... Then we pointed at the girl, she was standing in the middle of the crowd looking like a question mark. The woman was like "HII! I'm Jan´s big sis' you'll be living at our place for a week!" This made everybody laugh out very loudly. The train ride lasted for around 1.5hrs and at the last minutes before our stop (11 o'clock) everybody was incredibly nervous and shaky. So when we finally got out of the train we met our host brothers and sisters (sister for me). I don't know about the others but to me it came as a shock when I met my host sister Janina, she was so incredibly tall! around thirty centimeters taller than me. Her dad was like two metres, so it didn't surprise me after I saw him. After we had greeted eachother we went to the car and drove to their house which was incredible... So clean and tidy... Just like a house from a IKEA catalogue. Her mother was so nice too and pretty! Well I don't have any more time right now, so I'll stop this here. Bye~

Greetings here from Germany!

I don't have much time right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here. These last six days have been both very eventful and hard on the mind. I have the best possible host family you could ever imagine and the house they live in is just so adorable... But the hard part in this whole trip is the teachers. One of them makes me disgusted by the bare thought of him and the other one just can't seem stop whining about everything and bossing around... believe it or not, I acctually lost my temper at her today and yelled back when she was nagging about everything... Yeah.. that's life... I guess I'll make a summary of the week when I come back home. With amiable greetings - Shizuka

Amiable days..

It hurts so much :/ my stomach aches...
I took a "power nap" after I'd came back home... It was horrible... I had like two double dreams after eachother and every single one of them was a nightmare... In the first one (if I remember right) I suddenly got this awful pain inside of my head, seriously it was un-bareable... Like try to 'close' your ears, the feeling is much alike the pain you when your ears are blocking up. Then I woke up from that dream (or so I thought). When I did this, it hurt really much in my head... So when I stood up I had grown like half a metre... I think I started to scream, and when I was going to walk out of the livingroom I was so big that I couldn't fit the space our livingroom door leads to.. Not fun at all... And when I thought I woke up from this dream I only remember everything to be normal except from the horrible pain that came again... I fell asleep in this dream... And last but not least, the fourth dream (most scary one). In this one I woke up when our schools student counsellor came into our kitchen (at first I thought that it was mum'), but I pretended to sleep... When I notised that she wasn't the person that I'd took her for, I tried began walking towards the kitchen... My steps were wobbly and I couldn't get the voice out of my mouth... Suddenly dad' and sis' where there too. This was when the horrible part begun. Suddenly a wolf (huge one) appeared on our front yard, it looked around and notised us (we were inside of the house), it came to the window and started to scratch and hit it... It was so close, only half a metre away... Then suddenly we could hear more wolfs´ that tried to break into our house (these ones were at the door). I tried to yell at dad' when he had this calm look on his face, he just smiled and said that he could take them out with one shot if they came in and when I tried to yell and ask 'What about mother who will return home from work at any minute?!' but the voice just didn't come out that loud... The wolves continued to scratch and jump towards the door... Now I heard the sound of the front door opening loudly.. This is when I woke up for real, I was seriously shocked I just sat there and stared until dad' came there and started to nag because I hadn't answered his calls... This was everything for this time (sorry if the post is a bit blurry, I don't have time to glance through it) Bye.

3~days... >ö(>.<)ö<

Anger is one of the easiest feelings to express, but one of the most difficult ones to control... Isn't that right?
I've been home for the whole day (apart from a visit to the local hospital)... I'm sick. I woke up with a horrible headache and hig fever, but I stuffed myself full of pills so that I wouldn't feel anything (which I didn't do after a while) and I could live on.
I just finished watching the great drama 'Nobuta wo produce'... Are friends really worth all the hard effort and work you have to put into the relationship? This is a thing I've been wondering about lately... I mean, sure they're precious and good to have around. But is it really worth it... especially when you're the only one who cares? I wonder...
I think that I'll go to school tomorrow... Even though I feel like crap... But there is an important meeting I have to attend to...
It's three days left to the departure to Germany... I like cats ^.^ Which is good, because my host family has two of them... I just hope that they won't have freaky names, so that I'll remember them... Otherwise it'd be awkward... XP
I bought a new mp3 player today when I was waiting for the time to pass down town (1hr)... It's really cute (looks like a round, beige marble stone :D )...
*Garh...* Mum's so annoying... Right now she's nagging at me because my sis' didn't have her P.E outfit in the schoolbag today and apparently it's all my fault... man I don't get that woman at all :/ so confusing~ Well she doesn't have anything else to do, so I can't really blame her XP
Jajajaha.. I'll go and take a shower... After that I'll drug myself (compeletly numb) and go to bed...
¨-v^¨^v- Gute nacht -v^¨^v-¨

Life or...?

Five days ago my cousine came to the arctic part of Sweden (XP) so I've been with her almost for the whole week. On Saturday we were slalom skiing and on Sunday Plopp-chan had her 16:th birthday party, unfortunately I could only stay there for two and a half hours... Yes it was because of my little dominant cousine who got pissed off by the bare thought of me going to a birthday party when she was here ^-^'' But the short time I was there was super fun :D I hope that the others had as much fun after that I left (of course they had ;p ). Well today I've been at my grandparents place with my cousines family (and my lil' sis')... It was... How should I put it... Very eventful... We went to the hills, where we were supposed to grill sausage, but I just slept in the snow mobile trailer (so boring), that's when my other cousin (11 years old... I think) decided that he'd walk back to the house on his own, beause he was so bored... Well later when we were supposed to go back to the house, we discovered that he had taken the wrong path, so we had to start searching for him. Well after we'd found him we took another path so that we'd come to the original trails. But the snow mobile trail we were riding was so soft that the whole trailer (where 6 persons were sitting) tipped over... God I was so wet when we finally made it back... I hope I won't catch a cold now ^.^
Lately I've been having these horrible nightmares. For exaple, in one, mum' just suddenly collapsed to the ground, she had this emotionless look on the face... It was just as if she'd had a heart attack... I got so scared by this dream that I had to get out of the bed to check on her so that she was okay... Luckily it was just a dream...
Tomorrow the school starts again... Only a week left to the Germany trip... I wonder how it all will go... jaja. I'mma´get going now-- jaNe~

Comeback.

The blogger's back! I haven't had the time to blog in over a week.. So finally I'm reunited with my ever so faithful friend... the laptop! I spent the weekend at Mai-chans place, where she thaught me how to write a letter in Japanese... Well I have to learn how to speak the language before I compeletly will be able to write a letter all by myself... That doesn't matter though. I sent the letter to the organisation on Monday, they should've recieved it by now... So the search finally begins!.. Now I won't be able to sleep before I get a family -.-'' Today I've cleaned the bathroom, compeletly. I even washed the walls and sauna... And yes, I did all this for a payment of 100 sek (kr)... It was so tough... ^^'' No wonder that mum' had that smug look on her face when I agreed on doing it for a payment like that... She was so exited that she even told dad' about it over the phone.. ~.~ Evil woman... I hope she's pleased with herself now that she've made me suffer for a whole day... again ^-^ My cousines will be coming to our place on Friday... Yatta! I feel somewhat relieved... I don't know why...maybe it is because I haven't had anyone to talk properly to lately... Beside of that, my cousine is one of the few persons that acctually listens to me and acts as if she'd really be interested in the things I have to say, which is very rare for anyone to do... Not even my mum' cares about my opinions, which is more hurtful than annoying. Well some people sucks... I've been watching 'Nobuta wo produce', a great Japanese drama serie... Everybody can change... Is that really true?... I wonder...
This thought suddenly hit me... What do I want to become?.. If I'd get the chance to chose one thing in the whole world, what would I want to become?... A real friend, that is what I want to become... a person that everyone can trust, a person that is easy to like... Wouldn't that be wonderful? ^.^....
Yeah, by the way... I've forgot to tell you peeps' that we have our Eastern holidays right now, that's why I've been home for the whole day... Yeah, yeah~~~~
Now I'll go and do something... THE END.