To be Negative or Happy? Or negativetly happy?

The party on Saturday was great, except from the matter that eight persons who'd notifyed to be coming, didn't show up. Well, most of them don't matter that much, because they are just some people I know, not real friends... But then there was someone I really ended up missing... The one and only person who'd always makes me feel comfortable with myself and my surroundings, no matter what I'm wearing or where I am... A little while earlier this hideous thought hit me, followed by a major panic attac... I will miss my friends so much... The thought of not being able to see their faces anymore is too excursiating... Their beautiful, special faces, that has always been there for me, that has always sheltered me from the harsh reality of the cold world... It's too sad to even think about... It feels as if I'm about to lose a huge part of my life... A part that nothing else can replace. What will I do?.. It's too fucking scaring!
Do you have a dream?... One that you'd do anything for to acieve? I've had one... But it was a long time ago... The dream vanished with the reality of hard work and dissapointment... Did you know that dreams are formed from dissapointments? It's true. But what happenes if you lose the will to acieve this dream or yours´ that you're just a fingers leinght away from reaching? Will you still make the "dream" come true or will you choose a different path to walk?...
If you're a big fan of (not really) "horror" and "fun" movies (with a hot guy in the lead role). You should watch "Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge"... It's good. God I love the lead actors voice (when he talks in a normal tone, that is)... So deep... *whaaa* Imagine having a guy like him as a boyfriend... I'd force him to talk -non-stop- *smirk* That would never happene to me :P By the way, I recieved some amazing and beautiful birthday presents (though, my real birthday is the ninth of July). An incredible picture drawn by my very own friend M-chan. A note book, that was so beautiful that it's hard to describe, from Mia-chan (and a hello kitty handikef). Dental thingys (a useful survivor kit, is what my friend called it XD). An incredibly cute candle in the form of a birthday cake (shift´s colors). Some hair clips (pretty <3) and three amazingly beautiful necklaces... One handmade by Plupp-chan <3, one with two glizy red stars, Madde-chan<3 and the last one was a round good luck charm (streinght, courage, long life among others.) this one was from Nalle Puh-san XD There were some others too, but it'd be so tardy to list them all up. Still, everyone, I really, really appreciate these gifts, but most of all, that you were there for me, on my big day! <3... I'll never forget this kindness of yours ^^ (Special thank´s to Jonna-chan who were there for me through the whole weekend and to Nalle puh-san who was the only one that showed some real appreciation towards my home made pan pizzas, and almost ate them all!... Nah.. Not really ^^.) I just realized something, it's good that I'll be leaving soon... Mum' won't have to worry about me anymore after that... Not in this way at least... I won't be home fighting with sis´nor causing trouble anywhere else either... ^^ I will become mature enough to live on my own... and to work and make money by myself, so that I won't be echonomically depending on my parents. Okay... that I won't learn in Japan... But at least I'll become mature enough to do it... Did I already tell you that I got accepted into the International Baccalaureate policy? Unfortunately I have to turn down the offer... Somewhy I don't want to do that... What if I won't get a second chance? Well... I still have to turn it down... :S I think this was all for this time... Bye~