Good food with excellent company.

Today was incredibly fun. I wasn't in school, as you who've read my last post know. The timetaking wasn't really an dream job and to deliver out the prizes was just annoying... Those kids were all high and mighty just because they won something, they didn't even thank properly... So disrespectful... Makes me mad... These kids nowdays... -.-
Ehm. yes. Well. After that we went to the chinese restaurant to eat, it was honestly the most fun lunch I've ever been on. We ate, talked and had generally fun ^.^ (we were 6 persons, Puh-san, Muscleman-san and Crioo-san, besides of me, Chan-chan and Lisa-chan). The day went by so fast... I didn't even notise it at all... haaa... Sattee... Now I'll try to pursuate my mum to a thing... I'll tell you later. Bye.

Delinquent. - "Dead long post"

The more I watch Gokusen... The more I get the feeling of... emptiness?... It feels as if I've never lived like an teenager should... I mean... I've never defied a teacher (or anyone else), I've never cut class with my friends... And I've never thought that anything else than my grades are important... (NB -hobbies etc.). You know the saying "you learn from your mistakes"... Well.. I have never made any mistakes to learn anything from... I have never had the chance to... Today my Mother said something to me that filled my head with all these complicated thoughts... She said "You're mature enough to be called an adult when you do what you need to do, and not what you think is fun to do"... Then have I been an adult for almost my whole life? Instead of doing what I think is fun, I've always done the things I've thought would be good for my future... In other words, studied. I've never really known the reason why I want to go to Japan that desperatily... But I think that I have finally started to find the cause of all these dreams and hopes.. It's simply because I wish to be able to live as a teenager for at least one year in my life.. Maybe make some mistakes? or get into a fist fight?!... My god, How deep ~.~'' Anyways who cares about this kind of shit... Hmm.. Something worth reading... Oh yeah. I watched some short "Japanese high school sports war" videos on youtube... Somehow I feel happy that I'm not a guy born in Japan... That's some rough stuff.. man... A event held by the school with "sports" competitions between the classes... It's more like a battle field where you're allowed to do anything to your opponents... "win by any means"... At least in the events called "kibasen" and "Knock over the other teams pole" (or something like that). Seriously that's litterally anything... Hitting, kicking and stuff like that... just to get a damn hat or flag.. I could never hit a school-mate just to win a stupid event... Creepy... What if I'm forced to participate in the event when I'm there? o.o Somehow it gives me the shivers to think about it... Yeah...
By the way, tomorrow I won't be going to school, because of a swimming competition where I, Chan-chan and Lisa-chan (though we're not the only ones) will work as timekeepers and prize-deliverers. In salary we'll get a free lunch at a chinese restaurant downtown. Honestly... I wouldn't have agreed to this othervise, but I see it as a good chance to raise my P.E grades^.^'' wow... my life really circulates around my grades... Or maybe I should say... School and education is my life... without those two I wouldn't have anything... Not even friends (I've met everyone at school)... ehehehee... this sucks.. Oh.. I forgot to tell you. I made a new piercing on my left ear on Friday... Otherwise it would've looked too weird... Now I'll just have to get an piercing done in the upper part of my right ear, then I'll be satisfied. Now I'll continue watching Gokusen.. Jaaaa-ne'

Pressure.

That's the title of the chapter we'll have an English test on today... And pressure sure is what that test brings. I've acctually tried to study to the test... Thist time I really did it... But I don't know if it'll be enough. Because some of the words in the part "jinxed basketball game" are just too weird... I hope I'll make it through with somewhat good grades... ehehee... Maybe I'll score the same amount of points as Lisa-chan ^.^ (no matter what that will always happen -.-''). We even got the same number of points in the upper secondary school application point system (the points we'll apply for a upper secondary school with)... Come to think of it... I'll have to apply for an school today... But I only have a first choice (I need three of them -.-)... Yabai.
Our English teacher has been absent due to illnes pretty much lately... I really hope that she's alright. It'd be horrible to lose our favourite teacher.. again...
Well I didn't have anything special in mind for this morning post... So I'll go and study for now. Keep up the hard work guys. Jaa-ne'

Koi

I've been wondering about this thing... What is love? I know that it's supposed to be a strong feeling... But what kind of feeling? "When your heart beats so hard that it's the only thing you can hear, your breaths become short and heavy. Sometimes you even feel dizzy"... This is how many people describe love... No matter how I look at it... It's like a descripton of a panic attack... Or a phobia... If this is what happenes when you fall in love.. Then I've felt all these things.. Except from one... I've never had a person to connect these feelings to. I suffer from a lighter form of claustrophobia... And these are the exact sympthons that appears when I'm supposed to attend a smaller space (like an elevator)... So love is like claustrophobia? If that's the case then I really don't want to fall in love... zettaini...
How do you experience love? Is it a burden or a blessing..? What do you think? Is it all worth it?..
I wonder... do you think that everybody has a soulmate... like a perfect match...? Someone you never get tired of... someone you love no matter what happenes? If it's true... If some one like that really exicts, then I hope to meet mine.. Well... you never know... right... Janna'

KAT-TUN

Hello! To begin with I want to apologise about the sudden ending in the last post, the internet shut down so I couldn't continue on it. Aww... I have my left index finger wrapped in a plaster, wich makes it incredibly hard to write (I can't curve the top of my finger at all). When you read the title you propably wonder what Kat-tun is, well for you who don't know, it's an incredibly good band... Especially the song named "Lips"... It just blew me away... I love the melody and the... should I say.. passion(?) in the words... You should listen to it, the whole song. Seriously, give it a chance... Of course, the guys´ who sing, doesn't look too bad either ^-^ so... hot. Ehehee... The two lead singers´play the two main parts in Gokusen II... They're very good actors too, ya' know. Maybe I'll post pictures of them later? Who knows. Now I'll continue watching my belover J-Dramas. Matane.

As you can see in the last post, the pictures were not in the right places. Both of the guys with the school uniforms´ should've been on the right side. well that's that... Yesterday I got a phone call from a woman. Firstly I thought that it was someone who'd dialed the wrong number but when I answered the phone, it was a lady from the Explorius organisation. She told me that I had been accepted to the exchange programme... I still can't believe it... What a shock.. I've been a bit lost in my thoughts for the whole day... I mean.. Okay this is so lame.. But I'll still tell you.. when we had hung up the phone, I couldn't talk... And I acctually got so happy that I started to cry... I was like weeping openly with a really ugly face... This was the first time that I'd ever cried out of joy and not frustration... I've never been as happy as I was then... Mum' tried to get it out of me (the information), but I just couldn't talk... All I could do was these weird blubbering sounds -.-'' That was so embarrasing... So I'll be going to Japan in the beginning of August... That is if a family wants to have me there... I really hope that'll happen. WISH ME LUCK! ^-^

By the way, I also found out yesterday that I'd have to make an introduction film to the familys in Germany.. about myself... What a pain... I'm no good with that kind of stuff... Maybe I should ask my friends for help? It's incredibly relieving how you can depend on them, no matter what, they'll always help out. ^.^

Mada Mada dane...

This morning started of as bad as a day can. I overslept -.- My first time... Thanks´to my friend who phoned to ask me where I was, I still made it to the bus that runs an hour later than the one I'm supposed to ride (Thanks´Lisa-chan). After that, my day just started getting worse. I even succeeded to cut myself with a knife... I never cut myself with anything... I'm not that clumsy... I.. never... Anyways... This was a bad day for me... really bad... Well yeah.
I've fallen in love... So in love.... As if -.-'' What I really mean is, that I've found a nice actor... or no wait... I've found two nice actors, they're both good at acting and most of all incredibly cute.. and of course hot ^^ Their names are Narimiya Hiroki and Haruma Miura... A boyfriend like them wouldn't be too bad... The funny thing with these two are that they've both acted in the same tv serie GOKUSEN!, only in different seasons, Hiroki in season 1 and Miura in 3.

Here are some pictures of them.

Haruma Miura on the top and Narimiya Hiroki on the bottom.

The pictures on the right are both from my favourite serie Gokusen!

ehehee *daydreaming... Yeah... This propably is the main reason why I've never been in love with anyone... I just can't find those ugly, uncool jerks who call themself "men" a bit attractive... Okay.. That may have been too rough... Maybe I should put it this way. I don't like immature guys without any kind of sense of cuteness nor style... Our society mostly consists of these kind of guys... So depressing''-~-

Oh I found a even nicer picture if Miura...

Here you go.

He doesn't look as as beaten in this one XD

Satte... Lets' see how the pictures will end up looking when I publish this post..

Janna''

New style? Not really.

Today I went to the hairdresser to get my hair dyed and cut. It doesn't look as good as I'd wished for. But I guess I'll just put up with it... I also dyed my eyebrowns... They're okay... It's much nicer to have eyebrowns that stand out a bit... Not from the norm, but the face. Because I've got blond body hair, my eyebrowns were also blond and hard to separate out of the face..
I had a reason to write... But I can't remember what the reason was... Annoying.
Just to lighten up my own mind I'll try to introduce myself to you in Japanese...
Hajimemashite, Hayahi Shizuka desu. Suweedenjin desu. Dozo yourshiku. Okay... I've got to admit... I still suck at this -.-
I don't have anything to write about right now... So maybe I'll write something later on the evening. Seeya'

Oh God not you again!

I bet that's what you're thinking right now... This is like the third post I've written today... Or wait... Haha! It's not "today" anymore... Yeah I know... Drastic mood swings... And no it's not "that" time of the month... It's rather strange, when that time comes, I don't get moody or easily irritated... I acctually become more composed... Strange -.- I can't sleep... that's the reason for my late night blog post...
I was thinking about this one thing... Does people deserve second chances? What do you think? I mean... If someone's done something really awful against you, then does that person deserve to be forgiven?... Who knows?... hmm.. It propably depend on the fact how well the person learns from their mistakes.. right?...
Now I'll change the subject again... One thing that's been bothering me ever since the interview... AnnBritt told me that if I get accepted to Japan and move there, I'll propably be treated as a celebrity because of the difference between me and the other Japanese girls... I have blond hair, grey eyes, I'm taller and... bigger... that's what have been bothering me... the word: bigger... Because of this, I've totally lost my apetite... I've lost about two kilos since Friday -.- I don't want to be bigger!! It'd be horrible to go shopping with the friends there... Imagine... When you're buying clothes the other's looking for size S when you're size M or L... I wouldn't be able to stand it... Now I'll go and sleep because of my early wake up in the morning (5.am - I need to study) G'night.

Just thoughts.

I can't take this anymore... It feels as if my head's about to explode... Too many thoughts conserning too many different things... I just feel like giving up on everything, It'd be so much easier... Tomorrow we have two tests, in English and Religion. But somehow I just can't find any reasons to study... My fall term grades sucked, wich lowered my chances to get to Japan... Even though AnnBritt told me that she'd recommend me to the "headquarters" I just can't seem to be able to shake the fear off my mind... I'll propably never reach my dreams... commit suicide... It's something I'd never be able to do... But... To give up all my hopes... Isn't that exactly commiting suicide? Not physically but mentally?

It's all just too real... I'm waiting for the opportunity to finally begin the living of my life... But for some reason it's just not coming... Maybe it'll never come? Saa dou kana?