Can't breathe

What would you do if you'd become pregnant at the age of fifteen? Would you make an abortion or give birth to the child? I could never imagine a life with an own baby at this age. Not that I'd have the chance to make the mistake and become pregnant anyways ^^''
The classic "Does boys really prefer stick thin girls, or is it just a stupid obsessive thought that the girls have made up themself?" question has been bugging me. Everywhere we look, we see these skinny model like girls who does everything to keep themselves thin, and it's not just girls who do this, the pressure of being thin has reached the guys too, the eating disorders among guys has increased with 30 per cent (I think it was) in ten years... But is it all really worth it?.. It's true that skinny people look better in the high fashion clothes that almost every store sell... But still... Is it really true?
And now some whining:
Somewhy I feel suffocated, I can't breathe properly... Propably a panic attack... Well it wouldn't surprise me -.-'' My sleepless nights has increased after I sent the files to Explorius... Which was about a week ago... Still can't stop thinking about all kind of weird stuff... That was about everything I had in my mind... Now my it feels a lot lighter. Thnx for reading ^^ Good bye and good night. *~*

This hectic life of mine.

Somewhy I just can't seem to be able to bring myself to write in this blog of mine. I've been so busy, that I haven't had any spare time to blog. Yesterday I had the pleasure to see my Germany presentation video, that Heaton-chan (former Pucca-chan) made for me- You're the best! Seriously it was awsome! >^-^< I own you one big time. Tomorrow I'll be going to Sesshy´s birthday party. It'll be so much fun. Play games, eat cake and hang out with nice people ^v^ Today we had two national tests, both in the English subject - listening comprehension and reading comprehension, these both took around two hours each to complete, but for my surprise they weren't that difficult. Nowdays I haven't had that much leisure time for myself, which has made me tired and easily annoyed... Or at least mum' told me that I was incredibly tense today... I don't think that I'm different from normal... But that's what she said. I haven't read anything in a pretty long while... Which is very unusual for me, because othervise I'd read some manga every day... But I just don't have the time to do that... Goddamit'. I have to make some time for myself. Right now I'm stuffing my face full of candy while waiting for mum' to finish her phonecall so that we could begin watching a movie named "Mustien perhosten koti" roughly translated "The home of the black butterflies" a Finnish movie. Recently I've been thinkig about getting a belly piercing or a inner conch, they're both really nice. But I think I'd rather get a inner conch, the only problem is that it's 200 sek more expensive than the belly piercing. Which one do you think I should get? Well, now I'll begin watching the movie. Ja'ne'~

Tsukareru ~.~

I'm tired as usually. Today was a nice day, a lot happened. For example Pucca-chan and I finally filmed the commenius presentation video... And I can honestly say that I look like a pig in front of the video camera. That isn't nice at all. No... I just can't seem to stop wondering about what kind of family I will end up living with in both Japan and Germany... The lack of knowledge is so tiring... I hope that it'll all be over soon (the waiting I mean). My friends have came up with a new nick name for me... Miss Pou... After the red teletubbie -.-'' It's all because of my red cap that makes me look like Pou... Seriously, I can't come up with anything worth writing.. Damn.. C-ya.

Winter Sports Holiday

tjojo. I just came in, I've been outside doing all kind of fun stuff. I made a "snowcastle" in the huge snow pile on our front yard ^.^ it turned out to be very nice, with a slide coming out from it. The sun is shining with all its might.. Such a nice weather :) This is our almost last day of the winter Sports Holiday.. On Monday it's school again. Well it doesn't matter, the Holiday has been so much fun! I'm not going to go into details now.
Ten days... Only ten days until I'll see An Café live ^v^ ~NYAPPY~... They've released a new single.. I think the name was something like "Bunny goes machine gun" it's really cute. well. well. I'll go and prepare some food now and maybe I'll bake something after that? yummy... Bye!
By the way - thnx Lanko ^^

The beginning at the end.

Finally I am done! I'm done with all the explorius paperwork and ready to roll... roll?... okay maybe not.. Now the waiting begins.. The most horrible part of the whole process.. To see if anybody wants to have me living with them for a whole year... Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Thank you for the comment my dear amiable friend! It's been so lonely here... It's really nice to know that at least one person is reading my blogg ^.^ thnx!
I've been collecting these different songs to a new street-CD (as I like to call it), here's a list over the songs (if you don't have the energy to read through a meaningless list of names, then just jump to the "that's all" part): 1.Sunny day-Kristina Wheeler 2.Real face-KAT-TUN 3.Grilfriend-Avril 4.Rusketusraidat-PMMP 5.Love is wicked-Brick & Lace 6.Decode-Paramore 7.Jerk-Huang Yi Da (I really like this one) 8.Hero's back-Nobodyknows 9.Cupidschokehold-Gym cla.. 10.Girl Fight-Tigarah 11. Homecoming-Kanye 12.Dirge of Cerebrus-Gackt 13.Sober-Pink 14.Mun koti ei oo täällä-Chisu. That's all.. These are the songs that raises my pulse (nice to listen to while playing basketball). That's my new goal, to become a good basketball player.. The sound of a clear shot is so... wonderful?.. yupp. It gives ya' a good feeling, doesn't it.
Earlier this evening I was at the gym with mother... It is so refreshing to run a few kilometres on that running thingy.. you know the one with the moving part that is very much like a convey belt... jah jah.
Right now I'm watching a Finish Tv song programme that goes by the name "Tartu mikkiin" (grab the microphone), it's fun to sing along with...
Now I'll go and get my well deserved rest.. haa.. äntligen. I bet that I'll be up the whole night thinking about all the different kind of people that'll see my files... I really hope... Now I'll go. CyA~¨-¨~

That's life

This morning I heard an old song on the radio, it made me feel sick, my mother used to sing it to me when I was little just before bedtime.
Today was an outdoors day from school, which was horrible because it was like -20 *C degrees below freezing point (and this was in the sun -.-). But before I went to the woods (where the classes were held) I had to visit the hospital for the results of my TBC test. I don't have TBC but I also don't have any kind of immun-system against it, which means *more needles and drugs...* I don't know what to think... Well I guess I'll just have to bare with it...
The sun is shining incredibly brightly and there's snow everywhere, such a nice day, don't you think?.. It somehow always feels so lonely when nobody comments on the posts´... I know it sounds stupid but that is the truth.. It's like, I'd be writing down these things and yet still not be heard.. Okay bakana.. I admit that I'm writing this blog for myself but still... I need comments! ^-^''
Sometimes the thought "Is this really everything life has to offer me?" goes through my head... "Is this really all I can get?" Well, no it isn't. That's why I keep on doing my best with the exchange thing :) Have you got a dream you'd fight for until the end?.. Well this is mine and there's no way in hell that I'd give it up for anyone. I really don't know where these thoughts came from... they just plopped up right out of the blue.. *Jaja..* I guess I'll take off now. *hejdåå*

Yestoday.

It's strange how I only seem to find enough strenght to blog every other day nowdays... So once again I'll go through yesterdays happenings. To make the whole day "short" I got my left hand filled with drugs and punction marks ~.~ nah.. not really. I only recieved the Twinrix (Hepatit A & B) injection and the TBC (tuberculosis) test... not such a big deal.. The weather has been incredibly nice.. I've felt much more energized than before.. hmm.. I'll try to come up with something to write about... Yeah... It's nice to have a blog, you know that?.. It's like a place where you're allowed to be compeletely selfish and no one will complain, you don't have to write about anything else than your own thoughts and feelings and if someone doesn't like the thought of you being selfish, then they simply just don't have to read what you're writing, right? so simple... Today we had an outgoing to the theatre from the school... Can you guess the name of the performance we watched?.. "Love the condom"... -.-'' yeah... #no comments on that one# Acctually it wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be.. funny and realistic, but still partly boring and somewhat... annoying?.. First we watched the movie "Juno", then "Patrik 1,5" and now this... Somehow I can't help but to get the feeling that the teachers are trying to send a subconcious message to all the students "don't have sex without a condom, or else you'll end up like Juno" and "gay people are just like straight people, they too deserve to get a family" (or something like that), it's true, gays, lesbians,bisexuals or whatever they may be, everyone deserves and has the full right to a family. This is what I think. I have to write an a-4 sized argument paper for tomorrow and I also have a test on the homework in English tomorrow morning... So I think I'll start writing on something.. maybe "gay peoples right to marriage"... that sounds nice.. JaaNee*..

QuEsTiOnS

"Why help, and still never be helped? Why dry their tears, when your tears will never become visible for them? Why remember, and yet still always be forgotten? Why all this?" I thought this poem was nice, so I decided to post it. What do you think? Does it evoke any special thoughts inside of you? If so I'd like to know, because this poem caused me to think a lot about all kinds of stuff.
Yesterday when I finally got home after work, the time was around 2.45 am. Oh god I was happy to have survived that night ^.^'' Can you imagine serving floorball players (incredibly childish ones) all night, like dragging around their stuff from the wardrobe to the desk and back, nonstop -.-''. This was generally what I did for eight hours... Not so nice ~.~ But you got to do, what you got to do, right?
Today I began to sew on a pair of trousers in the handicraft, the fabric is so pretty (Burberry, I think it was). I hope that I'll manage to finish them before the An Cafe concert, I'd like to wear them there ^^ By the way, today my cousine will leave off to London for a week... gosh I'd so want to go with her.. Can you imagine, all the skyscrapers, shops and generally the greatness of such an enormous town.? Incredible... Well I'll just concentrate on the trip to Germany and the year in Japan... My handicraft teacher asked me about the year aboard, today... I was acctually a bit surprised that she knew about it... She told me that she'd heard someone mention it... I wonder who it was... Beacause I'd like that person to stop it... It's somewhat embarrasing when people suddenly show up start askin things about it, then they're like "oh.. you're so brave" and stuff like that -.- yeah yeah... Now I'll leave this cold room of mine.. and maybe I'll write something tomorrow... BaIbAi

Hello World

I woke up about two hours ago.. It's a bit lonely here when brother isn't home (he's staying at his partners place for a week).. but at the same time it's somewhat nice... I went to the store to byu food (the refrigerator screams of emptiness).. well because I'm not hungry at all I ended up buying two bags of toffees and a magazine instead ^^''.. I wish I would find a nice boyfriend too, one that would care for and look after me... maybe I have a bit too high demands.. XP There's no such guy in our society. Lucky brother.. Change of subject! Today the real Provincia Midnight Cup events will begin. This means that I'll have a bit more work to do than yesterday. We have our first assembly for the day at 5.30 pm. After this well start throwing out people that hasn't got an orange bracelet thing (you get one when you pay the admission fee). I don't really look forvards to the work.. dunno' why... I just haven't been feeling that well for the past three days... Hopefully I won't start vomiting again ^-^ By the way, I was at the school doctor yesterday, he filled the papers for me and fixed me the hepatit A & B medicine. I'll get it injected next Tuesday. I also got the appointment for the tuberculosis test for next Tuesday. Now I'll just have to refine my personal letter and make the picture pages. Then I can send the papers over to Explorius :) I feel somewhat happy for this... When this is all done, I can finally compeletly concentrate in school :D haa... Now I'll go and get a shower, so that my colleagues won't have to keep their breath's every time I enter the room ^^ yeah.. that was a lame joke.. then.. I'm off.

疲れる

Hello. I just came back home (to my brother's place) from work and I'm so tired (as the title says). As you propably know, I was working at the Provincia. Today was pretty boring, because we only sat behind the information counter... We did this for four long hours, I can honestly say that I'd rather not do it again. I don't have anything else to write about... maybe I'll come up with something later... see you.