An obscure feeling of sorrow...

An unfamiliar feeling of obscure sorrow is lurking at the back of my mind... But why? All day long I've been happy, almost too happy. And now suddenly everything just took a rapid turn. I honestly feel like crying... Though, with no reasons at all? What's this supposed to be?.. ugh... so frustrating >.<
In the morning me and my roomie went to the hospital (just for a normal check up), after that was dinner at the local upper secondary school, Christmas shopping (a little bit early out, I know but still) and suddenly my mood just sank. I've tried to, but can't figure out the reason for this!! It's driving me mad!!
Well, whatever, can't do anything about it so :P I've been longing to see this movie called "Trust", according to my sweetheart it's an emotional story worth watching, and I guess that a rush of emotions wouldn't do me bad in my current state... We'll see if I can convince my little roomie to watch it together with me :)
Now I'll occupy my thoughts with a trailer from this movie! Bye~

Life at its best :)

It should be illegal to be as happy as I'm at the moment! The feeling is so overwhelming... Unable to stop smiling all the time, yet unable to stop worrying all the time. So confusing but still so wonderful! I don't know what to do with these abundant feelings >.< any good ideas? ^^"
Yesterday was one of the most perfect days of my life. I finally got to meet my swetheart again<3 A cozy evening with take out food, a good movie and my wonderful boyfriend :D What more can you ask for?
This evening though, will be spent in the company of my sweet roomie and a good friend :) watching movies (including "My sister's keeper") and just generally hanging out^^
Anyways, I'm off to the kitchen now! Maybe I'll grab a bite or something~ Bye<3

A Brand New (Bright) Life

Well, the title pretty much reveals what's been happening in my life during the past few weeks - too much to write about at least. Short draft: I've met the my saviour, my beloved new roommate<3 She's honestly propably the only reason why I'm still alive. After finally breaking free from the destructive relationship in which I'd been trapped in for a year, I didn't know where to go, what to do whith myself, or even how to survive the day... Then she came. Gave me a home. Hooked me up with the most wonderful young man that I've ever met, and gave my everyday life a purpose again<3
I've been living my life under the supposition of knowing what the word "love" stands for... But honestly, I've been wrong all the time. Love isn't a hopeless, painful struggle in between two parts. Love isn't something that's supposed to hurt or make you cry for no reasons at all... It's something enjoyable. When you shine up just by the thought of your beloved one, when you can't stand being apart from them, and after saying "good bye" begin longing for the next time you'll be in his arms... This is what he taught me<3
The coming week school will start again. I'm not looking forvards to this... Even though I've had a "break" for six wonderful weeks (turkey, 4 weeks at a kindergarten and the spring vacation <- which is now) it doesn't feel enough. If it was a choice for me to make, I'd still be working at the daycare instead of rottening on a schoolbench. It's such a rewarding job. To see the children grow, how they bond with you, and the best part; when they count you as a part of their day - expect you to be there when they arrive in the morning. I miss this...
But! Now I'm off to the basement level to fetch the laundry! Bye~ <3

Mani mania~*-:*

Good morning sweethearts<3
What's up? :) As usual it's been a while since the last post, though this time I've been seriously busy managing things, coping with the new lifestyle and constantly arguing with my lovely boyfriend. No seriously, I love him. Guess that's the only reason I'm still hanging around... Well, my new class consists of nothing knowing kids (people born -95), who're still too naive for their own good. And my weeks include six classes in pedagogy and one in PE. So no hard work here. It's the personal life which has demanded most of my free hours. Searching for a new apartment and trying to balance the relationship and friends - Not an easy job, especially not when you don't share the same friends together, so I tend to end up staying home with him instead... Not good, no... Well, In a week I'll be enjoying the warmth of Turkey! This is something I'm seriously looking forvards to! Just me, Mum and lil'Sis hundreds of miles from the cold breezes of Sweden's bold landscape. Just the thought makes me jump with anticipation :)
Yesterday I was at the hair-dresser, so now my hair is about ten centimeters shorter and looks more alive with some pink highlights. I can admit being very pleased with the result.
Later on today I'll be going back home to Boden and who knows, maybe pay my boyfriend a visit (but just maybe), but I don't know... I don't feel like being walked all over this evening... Maybe tomorrow instead :) BUT!! Now I'll be busy doing my sister's nails. She wants a beach theme so some gold, dark and lightblue should do it. Bye~

Lousy day?

wake up 5AM, paintiiing~ for four hours~ and then a nap^^ I'm at my parent's place, working (why would I othervise be here? xD). My mission: paint the house. Pay: fair enough ;) I enjoy painting a lot^^ The nap, though, wasn't as enjoyable... I had a hideous nightmare (aaaas usually :P). This one was one of the worst I've ever had... My mother told me she was dying and that me and my sister were going to be sent away and separated >.< Now why wouldn't we just live with dad? well, he's already dead in my dreams... I woke up crying, in the dream I was at my father's funeral... They both seemed so real :'( too real... I hate sleeping, maybe I should stop doing it :P
When I woke up I painted my sister's fingernails, they turned out to be good :) (She liked them too xD). After doing this I consumed a full coffee pot :'D That's pretty much all I've consumed today^^" And a few green apples *yummy* :D I've also driven the car for the first time in my entire life! :D It went really well! I will get a driving license! And on this one I'm very determined >3< To the autumn I'll begin on the BF policy, and become a nanny or something ;) I dunno :P Well, apart from this all, my life's been pretty happeningless^^ Oh yeah, then mum came home and ruined my day :P (the same routine as usually). Now I'm off to take a shower (have been running so I'm sweaty *yack*). Bye~ -My

April~Avril~Huhtikuu~

Wahaha!! xD OMG! I just read through my last post (only briefly though). I would never have been able to imagine it possible for my life to change this much during only three months (without moving to another country :P) :O
Well, then, I guess it's time for an update... Hmm... Firs off we could begin with my happy-go-lucky life... Which isn't that H-go-L anymore ^^" A month after our engagement, my boyfriend confessed to have slept with another chick two nights before... This was on our "anniversary" for a month of engagement. Well, what can I say.. Some people get cold feet and fuck things up... and end up hurting the other one... So, I've been kind of struggling with that matter, it really brought me down :(
BUT! I'm over it now ^^ Also! :) I've moved to a new place a bit outside of the actual town a week ago :D It's approximately 5km from school, to where I make my way by bicykle every morning :3 And I can afford it without any help from the parents (aka. own incomes). Independence... Honestly, it's one of the greatest feelings :) Hmm... There's too much, I can't even remember everything >.> Eeh... I've made a lot of new friends... I've scored full points on a history test! (believe me, if it would be graded by the knowledge of happenings, it'd be easy... When it comes to interpretations and differing, it's a complete new story :P). Homework, homework, and some more homework... nah.. I'm too tired, thus I shall continue another evening ;) Good Night Sweethearts~ XoooXooo My <3

OMG o.O I just lost one more year of of my lifespan!!

Well, that was it for the "could never imagine myself married" statement. You'll never, ever be able to even imagine what happened!! Me, Sam and a friend of ours, spent the New Year's Eve at Jonna and Jense's house (in a nearby town). We enjoyed ourselves by drinking and playing video games in the evening. When the time slowly got closer to midnight, we went outside to lance some minor fireworks (which ended up with the slightly *cough* drunk friend, firing one at Sam--> accidentally though). After the clock'd stroke twelve, and the fireworks were all launched, Sam got down on one knee and asked me if I wanted to get engaged to him!!! <3 I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything other than just hug him with all the guts I had, and nod almost frantically :D So! Now I'm an engaged "woman" :3 Couldn't see that coming a year ago, couldn't you!? ^^ At least I couldn't :P After pondering about it, I've came to the conclusion that there probably isn't anything I couldn't imagine myself doing with Sam... Other than getting kids, at this stage.. God! I feel like the luckiest person on the entire planet at this moment!! x3 Sorry, just can't get over it ^^" Also, I'm sort of moving into his place tomorrow~ Not entirely though, but like, bring some of my clothes and belongings to his home... Toothbrush, personal hygiene stuff and things like that. So that I won't have to stop by at the apartment as frequently anymore. AAH!! This awfully wide grin just won't get off my face! x3
So, now I'm gathering together a bag of belongings and picking out some small stuff to bring there tomorrow :) and... Maybe with some patience and time... Someday, I will be the one to walk down the aisle in a white dress into his arms... *haaa* what a wonderful thought, indeed ^^
2010 was a year that just flew by... Honestly, now looking back I don't remember much of it... It feels as if it was years and years ago that I returned from Japan, even though that was a mere six months ago... It is difficult to believe that ones life can possibly change this fast :O I mean; Jonna and Jens decided to get married, so did Hen-chan and his girlfriend too, I came here and fell in love.. And most strange of all, I managed to establish a new life in the mere time of four months... which is six months less than it required in Japan... Somehow amazing when you think of it.. Though, I can't say that it was easy, no, vice versa, it was really difficult.. But I managed with the help of all the wonderful people who volunteered to take care, and teach me the ways of coping with life in this new town <3 I really am thankful for it^^
Now, I think I'll go and take a shower, and after that who knows, maybe I'll even be tired enough to fall asleep in the empty, (and most of all) cold bed of mine ^^
Bye~ and! Happy New Year for everybody! <3 :3

Fed up with Ham :P

We wish you a Merry Christmas~ We wish you a Merry Christmas~ We wish you a Merry Christmas~ and a happy New Year! (^o^)/:. I'm soooo psyched up for New Year! (not the actual year, but the Eve ;D).Christmas Eve was awesome! I didn't recall Christmas being so nice! I worked on my assignments most of the day, but just the fact that everybody were gathered for the same purpose at the grandparent's place, was very sweet. It felt so cozy... this traditional yearly event^^ Okay, I have to admit that it'd been pretty sour if it weren't for a certain uncle Linus (just a nickname xD)who kept me company through the entire day (and coming night) ^^ --> cellphone :D Speaking of which! I finally got a new cellphone!! :3 (my old one broke down a while ago, and I've been using a crappy piece of shit ever since then >.>). It's soooo~ nice! Love it <3 Even though it's not one of these fancy new touch screen thingys´:P I also (to my boyfriend's and... pretty much all of my friend's joy) got all the Twilight books and movies in English for Christmas present (an Eclipse soundtrack CD too!) xD Wool socks from my cousin, ten packs of pockys´ from sweetheart,Ulquiorra<3 poster--> Uncle Linus, Cellphone-> parents´, some household stuff and so on :3 Perfect is all I can say :D
It feels so strange... Two really good friends of mine are getting married this coming year... And for one of them I'll even be the bridesmaid ^^ (okay, the other one's a guy... me as a bestman? Maybe not xD). Also, my uncle's getting married in January too... I don't know, marriage just seems so out of reach for me... I've finally found someone whom I seriously love and want to spend every second of the day with, but the thought of marriage just hasn't crossed my mind :o Though, I've really began to anticipate the school ball! :3 I want to wear a beautiful dress and walk hand in hand with the most handsome man~* And later on, PARTY!!! xD nah, just joking~ ooor? ;D noo... For marriage there's just too much required, much that I do not have...
Well I'm off skyping with Uncle Linus~ Bye~ :D

There is more to life than simply increasing its speed.

Someone once told me to prioritize my life, freedom- or the glory of a high education... If there was to come a day when these two paths would separate, would I then be brave enough to choose the one I really yearn for? Though, would it really be courage, or just mere foolishness?
Would I be a fool to do as I so much yearn for: apply for a spot at a local shop of some sort and just live for the moment, or should I- against my inner wishes- carry through with the education, in the hope of something greater... Something to be proud of?.. *A glorious but lonely life?* Isn't that what it all is about in the end? Become a "pro", and forget the wish for having a real family, a happy relationship? I mean, look at them all, world wide known surgeons, lawyers, professors... all alone, almost every single one of them. Loneliness indeed is very frightening... No matter which path you choose to follow, you're brave huh?
''Is it your life or everyone else's?'' Is another question he posed. It is true, thus I had never before thought about this, as Ghandi once said: "A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble" - This is what I've been doing all my life, uttered "yes" in order to avoid conflicts with others. But, if I keep on bending and shaping myself into everyone else's molds, what will my life turn out like? Good question ne :o
Well, for all I know, I'm loosing the hold of my reality, my structure, and my security. But it feels good, "the bubble which I once created around of me, has now burst, and left me in this whole new world which I cannot wait to explore". :) "the world of an almost adult" ;D Well, well, we'll see what this life eventually has to offer me ^^ Good Night peeps´~

These endless beginnings

Long time no see, huh... Let's see if I'll manage to pull off a post worth reading now that I finally, for the first time since returning to Sweden, am going to try start blogging again.
I've been back in Sweden for the last..4? or is it already 5 months? I've moved out into an own apartment in a new town (due to school). I am currently attending the IB policy at upper secondary school, and am one year older than everyone else there.
There we go, a brief explanation on how my life's been... What more is there to say? The return from Japan was excruciating. For weeks and weeks I felt down, and my social life seemed to have completly died away (not until recently did I managed to begin the emprovements concerning this matter).
I love to live alone in an own apartment :) I love my new classmates (couldn't have hoped for better ones), and I just love to be able to attend a school where I actually learn something. These are my "3 loves" in this, yet again, so new life of mine. Sorry, can't come up with anything better to write about~ :P
My brain's stopped to work for the moment... Maybe I should just give up for now, and go to bed >.>
Spokoinoi nochi~ <3 ^^
Ps. I'll be back in a matter of time for a second round! (just to actually write something worth reading ^^") You just wait and see what I come up with :3 Ds.