Shinjinai.-.-.

I'm sad... I've been halfly depressed for the whole day, but now I'm just plainly sad... The day passed like a light breeze... I'm alone, that's what I've been for the whole day too. Everybody left arond 10 am. It's just me and the dog Rasmus... I came to think of the death of Timi and Tomi... Two bunnys that I used to have in junior high... Without any reason they just died... That image of them laying in the cage, is still clear as a painting inside of my head... Geh... Now I feel sick :P Think I'll go and grab something to eat ^^ On Tuesday well be on the ferry :3 So I think that this'll be one of the last posts of this month. Oh.. By the way, yesterday I got a call from a man who works at a newspaper called Haparanda bladet... Why can't they just let it be -.-''
I'm off!~

Okashiiiii

That was pretty strange -.- I checked my e-mail some minutes ago. There was a mail from a reporter of the newspaper NSD. Apparently she wants to do an interview on me because of the exchange thingy... Sounds like something that I've heard before... At a hamburger-bar down town... *ah* It's nothing... Just getting some flash-back´s... :P So, anyways. I thought that I'd give her a call tomorrow. It's too late for it right now.
Mum´ kept her promise :3 We went to the mall and I got a new, incredibly cute (!), pale blue dress. ^^ OH! I almost forgot! The day for my departure has changed, again. It'll be the 7:th of August. I hope that this is the last change...
Yuh... My feet are somwhat sore. I was smart enough to put on my sandals, instead of the comfy´sneakers... I'm no good with high heels :/
hmm... come to think of it... I propably won't see any of my friends anymore... :( On Thursday, I'll be leaving off to Tammerfors, where I'll find myself laying around for the rest of the week... Then we'll take a ferry to Stockholm and spend the rest of our time in Norrköping... 2 of August is when we'll come back home... The rest of the time... I propably will spend it in this room of mine... Filling boxes... and emptying the space. Wonder what'll happene to this messy hole, after I leave...? Hopefully mum´will take the chance and make it into a "book room" ^^ After all that's what she's always wanted to do. :)
But, now I'm leaving! Have to do some chores ^^ Baibai~

Haaaaiii*

Duh* So tired... Z.Z It's finally over! My (late) birthday party! It's FINALLY OVER! *haa*... Being around people really makes me tired xP. Hmm... I've been thinking about getting myself into "beach shape" which simply put means "loose a little *cough* weight" ^^ I wanna´be able to look nice in the "Japanese Hawaii" where I'm (propably) going to live in a month or so. :)
Tomorrow I'll call the company and harrash them with tons of annoying questions, which propably will make them all hate me :P Demo... Who cares? Mum´also promised that tomorrow we'll go down town... But *saa*, maybe she won't keep that promise either. Dunno´if I've already told you this, but a month ago I started on a new candy vow, as she promised to give me something preshious in return. But apparently she isn't going to give me anything. Yet again! *Don't expect too much from other people! You're the only one who'll be able to live up to those expectations*. Next one! Today, a total of... 29 people (I think) came, and around 17 of them were children under the age of 10 -.-'' Well... actually, it was pretty fun.. :3 I got the amount of money that I need for a "movie camera" (?) or is it a "recording camera...? and a little more:P. :D Now I'm off to count some incomes! ja mata~

Irairasaseru! >:(

I'm going nuts! And that's compeletly because of the freaking exchange company >:C Apparently, we're going to Japan the 31:th of July now. Pisses me off! Why is it so fu*king difficult to book the flight tickets for the right day!? And why can't the people in charge take responsibility? I mean, it's not our fault that the camp was moved to the 7:th, right?! So, why is it us who has to "suffer" because of their mistakes? Iradatashii... -.-¤ We don't even know where we'll be staying for that time, nor what we'll be doing >:( Well, shit happenes. You've just gotta´find a way to deal with it ^^ End of subject! :D
I've been baking cakes and cleaning for the whole day. Tomorrow we'll have my (little late) birthday party with the relatives. Not so much fun... Or wait! Brother will come! :D Lucky! It's going to be great! :3 My week is saved!... Oh... I didn't even realize how much I miss him... :P
... That's all. Now I'll watch some dramas, study and do some drooling xP Ja na~

ERROR

Oh, God. The computer is having a total brakedown! I tried to post earlier, but everything just suddenly dissapeared :< Well... It wasn't anything important... Just that the date for entering Japan has been changed :( With a week... Now I'll leave the 7:th of August... Which means that I'll have to use three airplanes to come to Japan... : / The first one's from Kallax to Arlanda. The second one's from Arlanda to London (where we'll meet the other scandinavian students :D) and the third one's (finally) from London to Narita! :D ... Well... It isn't that different from the trip to Germany I guess... ^^ Okay... We only flew twice... And neither one of those two times was for longer than... 3 hours (?)... ^^''
Hmm... Oh yeah! :D I think that I've found another student who's going to the same school in Japan, as I am! :D She's Norwegian and as old as I am (I think). Besides of that, she really seems like a great person! :3 Hopefully we'll become good friends! Yeah... once again I'm thinking ahead of myself... ^^'' Okay. Let's leave that matter for now on :)
Lately I've been addicted to YouTube :3

My top 5 most listened songs / watched music videos are:

1. Dir en grey - The Final.
2. Haruma Miura - Konjou Nashi.
3. Dir en grey - Kodou.
4. Kalafina - Oblivious.
5. NEWS - Weeek.

Most watched Dramas / Movies:

1. Tatta hitotsu no koi.
2. Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge.
3. Yukan Club.
4. Maou.
5. Gokusen. (still can't find the movie :'C).

Yupp... Maybe I should practise building sentences now... Or go to sleep?.... I wonder which one I should choose... Maybe.. bed... Yup... ~Good Night!~

Lonlienss, Grammar and Pain.

Yes... That's how it is... Once again I'm sitting here wide awake in the middle of the night... Chewing on small apricots with a gross taste... I haven't got anything special on my mind tonight... My day has been pretty boring, I've been fighting with my mother.. the whole time... The reason for this is simple and boring: her live-in maid (aka. me) isn't up for cleaning right now, because she wants to study, which she hasn't had the time to do earlier, due to her younger sister to whom she has to watch over. Hmm... I finally made up some plans with my friend for Wednesday :3 We're going to meet in the town and just hang around, enjoying our pitiful lifes (at least mine is XP). Whee... Today I was left alone home... finally all by myself ^^ This is when I realized the reason for my tardness. It's because I'm used to be alone... With no one else than Davin, around. Having people around me all the time drains all of my energy ^^'' So, during these four short hours, I could notise how much happier I became... I even sang... (That's pretty rare nowdays)... Because there was no one there who would've been ordering me around all of the time (or telling me to shut my mouth :P) ^^ Refreshing! :3 *haaa...* Atchatta!.. I've finished my apricots :P Now I'll just move on to the tea! -^^- Bye~

Feel the pressure, taste the blame.

Hmmm... I'm bored... My chat pal went down town, so I don't have anyone to write with... Brother just told mum´about the succsess (Yá know, Liu.)... I've never seen her so proud in my entire life... Not when I got accepted into the most difficult policy in all of Sweden.. neither when I showed her my grades... o(_ _)o She didn't look happy at all.. -.- In the end... hard work doesn't pay off I guess... Well... at least I did my best ^^... And can almost, be proud of myself ^^ But it was that freaking technological grade that made me fail... -_- Just a VG... Yeah... I've never been good at technology anyways :P And it's like that, no matter how hard I work, I'll never reach to the same level as my brother.. I mean, a Biomedical sciencist, who'd be able to beat that!? No matter how much better grades than him I get... Nor how much more successfull I become :P He's the first born child and that's how it's always going to be -^.^- Though, as long as I'll manage to build an own little empire around myself, nothing of those things above matters : ) An own life... Hell yeah! :3 *Facing the future with bright eyes and clear visions* ~

15 hours of sleep.

Yup... I was going to write later on to the evening of my bithday... But the thing was, that I'd stayed up all night chatting with an old classmate of mine (who couldn't sleep either.) And I fell asleep right away when we came back home (6 o'clock PM... after that I slept for 15 hours :P)
To chat with him was fun and I didn't feel tired at all so after six hours of chatting it was finally time to leave for the hospital... If I remember right... I sort of promised to make him pass the Swedish language... ^^'' That'll say... Make his summer home work :D *Cough* Well this is just because I'm so freaking bored with how things are right now... and I don't want to study Japanese all the time... :P So I figured that I could do something fun... Also, his dreams won't be smashed... Just because he's not that freaking smart XP Well.. anyways, if he passes the Sv then he'll be able to go to an upper secondary school ^^ Nop, I'm not naive and no, he isn't using me :P... I just want to have something more out of my life... Ya´know... Do something that really matters to someone... End of topic!
23:th of July, will be the day that I'll leave Sweden... just to find myself coming back the 27:th :P And after that I'll finally leave for good! : ) I've started watching a new serie called Maou (literally "Devil")... Mai-chan said that she liked it, so I decided to try it out... And after watching one third of the first episode, I totally understand why she likes it.. Of corse because, the person in the leading role is... no one less than our own Ohno Satoshii!! ^^ He's so KAKKOI!<3 (and also from Mai´s favourite band "Arashii" ^^.) She's like my insider in Japan XD And guess what she just told me!!! They're apparently making a Gokusen MOVIE!! :D :D :D :D !!! YATTAAAAA!! Best serie that I've ever seen :3 But now I'm off to study some Japanese grammars ^^, Paaaa... Chotto! I almost forgot to tell you! My brother passed the exams for the "Liu" university in Lindöping (I'm sooo proud!), and he'll move there in the beginning of August XP... I feel a bit sorry for mum´, because she's going to (sort of) lose her favourite child at the same time as she (sort of) loses the child she finds most difficult :P (The one she dislikes).. Poor her.. and also, brothers best friends house burned down yesterday... She lost everything but her cat :/ That's all. Paipai ~

Otanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu!... dare ka?

The ninth of July... Today, exactly sixteen years has passed since the day that I was born... When I look back now... I only come across memories filled with pain, lonliness and hard ass work... Guess I'm just too negative... As always.. :P Isn't it funny (now I'm spilling out all of my acrinomiouness´so don't read if you're too sensitive when it comes to critics.) Up until now I've been congratulated by around seven persons... And the thing is that, only one of them is a good friend of mine... And the rest are some people I know... Isn't it ironic... To be remembered by so many people, but yet not those who stand close to you?... You propably think that I'm stupid, cause´I'm writing this in the middle of the night... Well... Right now... Three of my best friends are online and I'm sending text messages with one... Well... Guess it's as I've written before. You shouldn't expect too much from people... Because in the end they'll only let you down ^^'' Not that the birthday would be important for me in any kind of way :P I've always spent it alone (which is exactly what I'll be doing today too) so it's hard for me to see what the big deal about a day like this is -.-'' Oh, wait! I won't be alone for the whole day! Yup... I'll be trapped in the same car as my monster sister and depressing father, for four hours and then of corse, I'll have a moment alone with the nurse who'll poke some living germs into my body ^-^ Tanoshii desu! Then I'll go shopping by myself in the "hospital town" as I call it. And hopefully, closer to the evening I'll be able to boil some tea for myself and sit infront of the computer while watching some great Japanese Tv drama series :D These are my "ultimate birthday" plans, for this year :P *Haa* Only 23 days left... And I still haven't got a family nor a visa... *Losing my hope here*. I guess I'm off to dwell in my precious lonliness ^^ BaiBai~

Itai ~

Mew... My back is hurting once again ^^''
Nowdays my reality is filled with minor panic attacs and worry... The more I chat with the other exchange students, the more I face the reality of how far behind of everyone I am in the Japanese language studies... Well... Can't blame anyone else than me for this... But still... It isn't that easy to study on your own... Especially because you don't have anyone to molest with your questions... ^^'' If there's anyone out there who can speak fluent Japanese, then please tell me if this is right: "Hajimemashite. Watashi ha "Shizuka" desu. Juurokusai desu. Sweden kara kimashita. Watashi wa atarashii koto wo manabu noto, hito to kakawaru koto ga suki desu. Shumi wa ongaku kansyou, to iroirona shurui no sports wo renshuu surukoto desu. Okiniiri no band wa Dir en grey, Kalafina to Gackt desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu."? I've tried to find some information on the internet, of how you introduce yourself and I've recieved some help from Mai-chan. But still I'm not sure if this is right. : / ... Yup... I think I'll take a break from the studies now... By watching "Tatta hitotsu no koi" :D Kame is so cool... But still I like Ichihara Hayato more... BYE~

To be Negative or Happy? Or negativetly happy?

The party on Saturday was great, except from the matter that eight persons who'd notifyed to be coming, didn't show up. Well, most of them don't matter that much, because they are just some people I know, not real friends... But then there was someone I really ended up missing... The one and only person who'd always makes me feel comfortable with myself and my surroundings, no matter what I'm wearing or where I am... A little while earlier this hideous thought hit me, followed by a major panic attac... I will miss my friends so much... The thought of not being able to see their faces anymore is too excursiating... Their beautiful, special faces, that has always been there for me, that has always sheltered me from the harsh reality of the cold world... It's too sad to even think about... It feels as if I'm about to lose a huge part of my life... A part that nothing else can replace. What will I do?.. It's too fucking scaring!
Do you have a dream?... One that you'd do anything for to acieve? I've had one... But it was a long time ago... The dream vanished with the reality of hard work and dissapointment... Did you know that dreams are formed from dissapointments? It's true. But what happenes if you lose the will to acieve this dream or yours´ that you're just a fingers leinght away from reaching? Will you still make the "dream" come true or will you choose a different path to walk?...
If you're a big fan of (not really) "horror" and "fun" movies (with a hot guy in the lead role). You should watch "Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge"... It's good. God I love the lead actors voice (when he talks in a normal tone, that is)... So deep... *whaaa* Imagine having a guy like him as a boyfriend... I'd force him to talk -non-stop- *smirk* That would never happene to me :P By the way, I recieved some amazing and beautiful birthday presents (though, my real birthday is the ninth of July). An incredible picture drawn by my very own friend M-chan. A note book, that was so beautiful that it's hard to describe, from Mia-chan (and a hello kitty handikef). Dental thingys (a useful survivor kit, is what my friend called it XD). An incredibly cute candle in the form of a birthday cake (shift´s colors). Some hair clips (pretty <3) and three amazingly beautiful necklaces... One handmade by Plupp-chan <3, one with two glizy red stars, Madde-chan<3 and the last one was a round good luck charm (streinght, courage, long life among others.) this one was from Nalle Puh-san XD There were some others too, but it'd be so tardy to list them all up. Still, everyone, I really, really appreciate these gifts, but most of all, that you were there for me, on my big day! <3... I'll never forget this kindness of yours ^^ (Special thank´s to Jonna-chan who were there for me through the whole weekend and to Nalle puh-san who was the only one that showed some real appreciation towards my home made pan pizzas, and almost ate them all!... Nah.. Not really ^^.) I just realized something, it's good that I'll be leaving soon... Mum' won't have to worry about me anymore after that... Not in this way at least... I won't be home fighting with sis´nor causing trouble anywhere else either... ^^ I will become mature enough to live on my own... and to work and make money by myself, so that I won't be echonomically depending on my parents. Okay... that I won't learn in Japan... But at least I'll become mature enough to do it... Did I already tell you that I got accepted into the International Baccalaureate policy? Unfortunately I have to turn down the offer... Somewhy I don't want to do that... What if I won't get a second chance? Well... I still have to turn it down... :S I think this was all for this time... Bye~

Hope...? None.

*sigh* I guess this is how it's supposed to be... I just recieved three text messages from some friends... And they all said "Sorry but I can't come to your good bye/birthday party tomorrow"... That's all... It doesn't piss me off... but I still feel a bit dissapointed... I'm sure that soon the last one of that group'll cancel too... That's what you get when you begin to look forvards to something. Well, I won't make that mistake again ^^ When a dog bites you, you won't go close to that dog again. Right?
This day has been a living hell. I've worked my ass off all alone.. Cleaning. Baking. Preparing for the party... In the end wonder if anyone will come?... Well, as long as my closest, real friends comes, anything else won't matter ^^ Come to think of it... This is a pretty good way of discovering who really is your friends and will (hopefully) remember you in a good way... *Geeez* And I prepared food for twenty peeps´ -.-'' I'll just have to hope that the guests will eat much :) ... Tomorrow will be the first time in almost one and a half years, that I'll meet Christina-san who moved away in 2008... ^-^ I'll definitly watch Rookies now! This is where I'll stop for tonight. Oyaaaasuminasai~

Education. Prefecture.

Hi. It's been a little while since last time... again. I haven't had any time nor will to blog. Because of the party that is tomorrow, I won't have that much time now either. I just wanted to tell you the big news! I recieved an e-mail from the exchange company the 30:th of June, which contained information about the school that I've been placed to! :D Kanagawa prefecture. Kamakura-city. Shichirigahama senior high school :D I surfed on the internet in hope of finding a little more information about this place when I came across a Finnish girls´blog, and surprise, surprise. This girl is attending the school that I'll enter ^^ She's a year older than me and has been there ever since March I think it was... However my point is that, I somehow feel a bit more at ease, because now there'll be at least one person whom I can talk with, without any hardships... Though... Of course there's the fact that maybe she doesn't want to talk Finnish when she's there, or maybe we won't get along. There are too many factors to even be conciedered. God... I'm fuzzing again. I haven't even met the person yet!
Now there's only the visa and family left... It feels as if the weight is slowly beginning to decrease from my chest. I can even breathe easier and I don't get panic attacs as often anymore ^^ *sattee* Now I've gotta´go and clean up this mess! Ureshikuu! My friends will be coming over tomorrow ^.^ I'm so happy! -:THE END:-

31 Days left...

And there it went, the last day of June 2009... Now there's only one single month separating me from Japan... I definitely won't lose to those thirty-one days! o(_ _)o But, I still can't help it... The doubt creeps up on me every single time I start thinking about the future... I mean, what if I won't get a family? Or even worse a visa?.. These thoughts causes me minor panic attacs every time they're brought up ^^''... Seriously... even one of these two would be a dissappointment that I wouldn't be able to handle... Still let's hope for the best!! Right now I'm working on my presentation... Wonder if something like "Hajimemashite. Watashi wa Shizuka desu. Sweden kara kimashita. Watashi wa juuroku sai desu. Nihongo o benkyo shimasu. Nihongo o oshiete kudasai. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!" would sound good? *Saaa*... I guess that I'll just have to ask Mai ^.^ ... I haven't heard from my friends in a while... Nanka sabishii desu yo ne.. Wonder what they've been up to? I hope everyones´ summer holidays´has been great so far! :D Even though mine hasn't *cough* ^^'' I woke up around one o'clock yesterday (Tuesday)... After that I've been working my ass of to keep my sister pleased while baking Pizzas and test cakes. Man! Mia-chan your cake aint´that frigging´easy to make! XD Somehow I became to understand my sister better that day... I realized something... Videlicet - She had ambition in her eyes... Not like a normal first grader usually has, but a lot more... This was while she was telling me about her plans for the future... It's true that she still is on the level of an eight years old child - emotionally. But she's not as stupid as they usually are... I could almost say that she's clever... Yeah. Let's leave that matter for now. I'm not sure if I've already wrote this, but I'm having a goodbye/birthday party on Saturday... I've invited a lot of people, but only around eighteen persons is notified to come... and like... five of them are guys : / Well you can't have everything ^^'' That's a thing everyone should learn the moment they enter the world :) I've started watching this Tv drama called "Rookies"...*drool *~* It's good, even though it seemed incredibly dull in the beginning... But who cares! It's loaded with awsome, hot guys playing the 10 (?) main roles :x Well, seriously, the story is pretty good too =) ... If you'll excuse me, I have some drooling that has to be done. Sayounara~