Steady, as she goes

Yupp, yupp... Long time no see huh? ;D Life's been fucking up big time since the last time^^ alot has changed and currently me, my fiancé and our little babycat Elicia are living in a small flat a bit outside the downtown-area. Since the beginning of this brand new year I've been working at a new kindergarten, though currently am waiting to hear from another employer regarding a vacancy within the elderly care hoping for the best (no arguing with the fact that money's always needed), especially with the turn both of our lives has taken during the last months. In October of this year we're even plotting on moving to the Southern part of Sweden (one of the bigger cities) wherefrom we've recieved an offer from an apartment owner: 140 square, 6 minutes from downtown, 3 rooms, oceanwiew and big balcony, a really cheap price for a period of two years - until we find something of our own. I don't really know what I should write about... Most of the time I'm either studying or working and honestly until now I didn't even remember the excistence of this blog xD Yeah, well what can I say? I won't complain about being busy, I'm quite enjoying it to be honest ;) Oh! I just remembered, I'm getting the text "For those I love, I will sacrifice" tattooed at the back of my left shoulder before summer :3 To make it short, it's just a perfect descripion of my world of thoughts and attitude towards life in general :) Well.. See you guys later! Can't promise anything but I'll at least try to write something a bit more interesting in here someday in the future ;) Here's by the way a pic of our lil' retard <3 ByeBye~

Falling through the clouds towards reality...

It's as if I'm falling through the skies towards the flat, cold surface of this hard reality. This world of lies, dissappointment and numbness.. How did I get out of it before? When nothing works and everything's just falling apart, your world comes crumbling down as you just stand there watching the pieces rain all over your frozen numb body. What was it in the past that I did to become happy again? Was it this new home with C that I'll loose in a couple of months? Or was it the new boyfriend whom I thought would treat me as I deserve, and yet turned out to be just as insignificant towards me as the last one? Maybe it was the new upper secondary school policy which I with so much anticipation began attending, and which now stresses me out and leaves me no freetime at all?.. What kind of change do I have to go through this time? A rapid one maybe? Leave this life behind and live all alone in an own flat somwhere else... A place where no one can bother me.. My day's been very hectic, my first test took place already early in the morning, followed by another one, and then I had to run to a meeting with my careers officer. We discussed the possibilities of me supplementing upper secondary in two years instead of three. Luckily my mentor believes in my ambitions (is really pro hard work) and does everything in her power to help me out. Well, I gues we'll see how it turns out in the end. After this meeting I had a class, which I in the end did not have to attend at all. Later on the evening I've been searching for a job (for the summer holidays) and for an apartment to move to before the upcoming semester... On Wednesday I'll have to pay the doc a visit again. They screwed up my ketamine blood samples which means a new session with the needle, there also were a few samples which indicated to something fishy going on inside of this body of mine. Soooo, I'll have to molest them again. And! Tomorrow it's back to work! From 11.AM until 17:30PM... a loooong, loooong day, that's what it is. Well, well, I'll be off to the bed where I shall sleep forever alone. Sleep tight peeps~ (The Easter Holidays are closing up btw!! <-- Anticipation of dooom!) Bye~

I was dreaming of a white christmas... That was left to be a mere dream though.

Fever, Ophthalmia, soar throat and headache. Merry christmas to you too^^ no, seriously. Even though I've been sick for months now I have to admit that this christmas has been the best so far. To spend this much time with my sweetheart is something a religious person would call a "bliss". Can't remember the last time that I've felt this pleased with my life. Nor can I remember the last time that I've felt this annoying towards someone else... Poor honey, I'm very convinced that he'll want to break up with me after these three weeks are over xD at least I would if I were in his seat. After the christmas holidays are over I'll be heading straight off to work. Remember the daycare where I was doing my APL? Well, that's where I'll be spending three days a week instead of normal school :) hopefully it'll work out better than school's done so far. Now I'm off to the kitchen! Coffee time~ <3

Stressful >.>

This headache it won't go away!!! It feels as if my head would crack at any moment now >.< I've been having this ache for weeks now... Wonder why... Could it be the stress that's getting to me? Or is it all the drama around me which honestly is making me want to bang my head into the wall until unconsciousness -.-
Otherwise too, my week so far has been shit =.= Oh... and now it's already this late! GOD! GIVE ME A BREAK!! I won't get enough sleep tonight either... great...
Well, I'm off to bed now. Goodnight~

Slightly Morbid, or?

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused~
Wonder which one I would be? The abused or the abuser?
It's kind of funny, when listening to Marilyn Manson my train of thoughts becomes very odd in a weird way. It feels as if the lurking sick side of me creeps up. Like, just a moment ago I got the idea of watching Human centipede II just for the laughs. Normal people don't laugh to those kind of movies, or do they? How should I know :P The people around me are normal.. for me... The people who are alike me...
When thinking of it, "sick" is an expression I often get to hear from friends and random people.. Though, according to me "sick" is a slight exaggeration. It's a very strong word... I'd actually prefer "morbid" in that case. Well, people calling me sick aren't that much off track either, to be honest :P Now it's movie time!! Bye~

You make my life bright, shine up my days with incomparable light.

When I think of you, I can't help but to smile.
Your face so clear in my mind.
Being apart doesn't matter as long as it's just for a while.
Because I know that there's only one of your kind.
That smile so sweet, makes even sugar feel sour.
Those eyes that shimmer, like the ocean they make you drown.
All this makes me love you more and more for every passing hour.
Your hair so smooth and brown.
You hate, but I love to run my fingers through.
To be able to have you close by, to feel your presence.
Even if these moments are few.
They are all small pieces of heaven, like rare small crescents.
Handed out to the lucky ones as presents.
For me there's only You.
You make my life bright, shine up my days with incomparable light<3

School~

I've been sitting at the cafe since half past eight this morning, doing research on criminal gangs in Sweden... But some why I can't bring myself to carry on the studies anymore. I feel so bored and tired! Maybe I should drag myself to school or something? Though, my class doesn't begin for another two hours... What should I do!!??? I would go Christmas shopping if the computer hadn't weighted a ton... I dunno... I'm even too lazy to write anything here!... I'm off-.- Bye~

Hero of a sad story

A hero of war, is that what they see? Just medals and scars, so damn proud of me. I brought home that flag, now it gathers dust... When I look back at my time in Japan this is pretty much what it feels like. A highly prestigious teenager whom everyone's so damn proud of.. Scars for life and a language certificate - is everything I got... When thinking back, was the trip really that necessary? Or did it make me into whom I am today? If I had not went there would my life be any better? Or would it be worse? Would I even be alive today? All I know is that this would've been my last year of school... Such a wonderful thought... No more school! Well, hopefully I'll be accepted for the apprenticeship program, so that I can work instead of attending school.
My thoughts are such a mess!! I can't make any sense out of them at all! Maybe I should go to bed and ponder about everything? Though if so, I'll have to wait for quite a while... Once again the apartment is crowded with guys, everyone occupying the bed -.- I think I'll scrap that idea :P
Bye~

Drama...

Lately my whole life's been surrounded by endless (unnecessary) drama. It's like sweetheart expressed it "an OC drama"... People hurting each other, themselves, and everyone around them. For no good reasons at all... Is it too much to demand when asking for a quiet life? A normal life? It's so incredibly tiring when nobody can control their feelings, nor keep their thoughts for themselves...
Luckily I've got my drama-free zone called 'honey'<3 with this wonderful being I can breathe freely and take a break from all the pointless fighting around me, I can feel free... With him there's just We. A bearable, even enjoyable, life<3 I love him so<3 bye~

Wieeee!!

What a beautiful day :D Seriously the weather's been nice, sunny, with a clear sky and slightly chilly breezes. AND! I woke up with sweetheart at my side. His slightly drowsy eyes looking at me while fumbling after his shirt, so cute <3
Yesterday I was invited to have dinner and sleep over at his parent's place, so I had the chance to meet his entire family while enjoying the most delicious three-course meal ever (cooked by the father^^). Such a lovely bunch of people<3 I had a really nice time there! Unfortunately, grown-ups have jobs and students don't, so I had to part from my hard working boyfriend after two hours or so<3
After doing this I've been hyper-actively flying all over the place. Unable to sit still or stop talking. Feel a bit sorry for my little roomie though, she's been forced to stand this for hours now! hihi... Who knows, maybe I'll meet my honey tomorrow again<3 :D
That was about everything I had to say for this time now resume watching Dreamer! Bye~